NEVER JET HOT

Are root canals supposed to still be sensitive 4-5 days after? I haven't got the crown part yet - and anytime I accidently chew with the filling it's like getting kicked in the head. You really have to love the marketing people at Brown & Haley, I have dental problems, but do I stop eating Almond Roca? (That candy that looks like something they fished out of the litterbox? That foil wrapping isn't there just because it looks pretty. ) Nope, I just sort of chew and gum it down on the other side of my mouth. Hey! I think I'll throw some in that cold blender coffee Teresa gets at Costco! And maybe a little Kahlua! Or a lot! I'd have it right now but everyone is sleeping and they haven't invented the silent blender yet. That will probably involve lasers.

I'm doing a little demolition work on these gingerbread houses... Apparently they used graham crackers instead of gingerbread... That's against code.

This guy opened a store just for people with the last name "Wright" - I mean a Cafe Press store, I don't think you have to pay them unless they get orders for your designs- still, it looks like he put some effort into it. Where is he going to get ~new~ customers from? Maybe he should have changed his name to Smith or Jones?? His business plan is all rong. But, let's wish him luck. Look what two bicycle mechanics named Wright begat, not so many years ago.

Here in Washington state, late night driving is going to be much more dangerous from here on out, thanks to voters who love to tell others what to do- People think I am joking about this, but I think the smoking ban is going to drastically increase drunken driving - Think about it- Used to be many people in a bar would take a puff, BS for a while, drink some beer, BS more (or just sit there feeling sorry for themselves due to sad country music on the jukebox)... and repeat this process as needed.... Now it's going to be pretty much straight drinking, if only because, people need to do something with thier hands. If it wasn't for peeling beer bottle labels and fiddling with cellphones, it would be a bloodbath out there. Why don't people think before they vote?

Bill Gates Senior needs more Metamucil or something; 'Gates also weighed in on the outsourcing of jobs to other countries but did not wring his hands over American losses. "We need to get over it," he said. "Seems to me it's the only way to raise all ships" and create what he described later as a truly "flat earth." ' OK, next time I get laid off I'll just "get over it". I'm sure the bank that has the mortgage on my house will understand. But I don't even have a boat, let alone a ship.

Smink & Drive Can anyone tell me what it means to "Smink & Drive"? The logo girl seems to be enjoying it, maybe a bit too much. Shouldn't she have a designated driver, or would that be a designated sminker?

"Here it is Thanksgiving day. You try to do the right thing, bring somebody into your home and they tie you up with electrical cord" (And I don't mean that in a good way) Is there something in the cranberry sauce this year?

I put an ad up for my stupid laserdiscs at CraigsList Seattle, didn't expect much of a response, because they are kind of a "white elephant" item, even when I bought them I got most of them practically free. They are the size of LP records and as brittle as old china, plus most movies must be "flipped" at least once because they couldn't fit the info on one side. Even so, I posted them at a very attractive "Cash on the barrelhead" price, just to discourage people who want to dicker. Yet I keep getting inquiries from people who want to ask all kinds of esoteric questions such as "Is the "Jason and the Argonauts" set from the Criterion collection?" Who the hell cares??? It's got 3D fighting skeletons!! ...But more disturbing than that, the wording of the inquiries seems to indicate that they will be wanting to make an offer. (although they are trying to be cagey and act uninterested, yet they each emailed me) I suspect the...

Here at The Restless Mouse, we often get product offers, by email or samples in the mail. Here is one of the more disturbing offerings, the "Tuna Safe" thong in the "fresh seal" tin. (see TunaSafe.com ) Here's how it came to be; "As I was chugging the refreshing elixir, I smelled the discarded tuna can in the trash, & I suddenly was reminded of my last prom date. That's when the idea hit me like a search warrant. Why don't I create an assurance logo similar to the "Dolphin Safe'' logo? Instead of a dolphin, I'd use a tuna fish & call it "Tuna Safe". I'd then place the logo on the front of a nice pair of thongs so that the wearer could assure their potential mate that they keep their business clean. The "Tuna Safe" logo would be "Your Fresh Seal"!!! YEAHHH!!! Wait a minute .... it could also be used as a "Mood Indicator"!!!. Sweeter yet, I could package the thongs in tin c...

Another crappy made-for-tv movie tonight, this one a bastardization of "The Poseidon Adventure" They even have the nerve to turn it into another free advertisement for terrorists, although as you recall in the original movie the ship flips from a really big wave, the wrath of Poseidon, see? From Encyclopedia Mythica; "Poseidon was relied upon by sailors for a safe voyage on the sea. Many men drowned horses in sacrifice of his honor. He lived on the ocean floor in a palace made of coral and gems, and drove a chariot pulled by horses. However, Poseidon was a very moody divinity, and his temperament could sometimes result in violence. When he was in a good mood, Poseidon created new lands in the water and a calm sea. In contrast, when he was in a bad mood, Poseidon would strike the ground with a trident and cause unruly springs and earthquakes, ship wrecks, and drownings." They have a whole change of characters too, gone is the classic ex-prostitute who...

Another disturbing thing, I was driving down broadway and noticed the Elks club is gone and there is a walk-in psychiatric clinic in that building. This is what happens when people have no place to smoke, drink, and do nice things for the community.

Cat Scratch Fever Picture Cat Scratch Disease, also known as cat scratch fever, is a bacterial infection that you can get from being scratched or bitten by a cat, or in few instances a dog. The bacteria that causes the disease is found in the fleas that inhabit cats which is passed on to the cat through the flea bites. The bacteria suspected is called rochalimaea henselae And I thought it was just an old Ted Nugent song. http://health-pictures.com/cat-scratch-fever.htm

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost seven dollars in dog money. - Joe Weinstein

I noticed the martial arts school over by the freeway is now a chiropractor's office. The lettering on the sign is bigger too.

So I'm trying to wake up, I turn on the TV to watch the garden show "Lawn Order" but I get this cop shop instead. The bad guy stole Teresa's nickname "Drano" (His because he "gets things moving", hers because she helps money go "down the drain") Anyway, a jeweler turns up dead, apparently he had sold Drano a fake jewel-encrusted Kermit the Frog necklace for his girlfriend, Serenity. What the hell is the world coming too? I got up and decided to look up the ending on the Inter-nut, although I have a pretty good idea that Drano is going down, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, looking up "Law and Order Drano" directed me to falseallegations.com - a compilation of real court transcripts, the first one about child custody, part of a group of cases they call "The Drano Series", I can't handle reality this early in the day, so now I'll never know what happened. If you saw that episode, please leave me a comment!

I know a strict "buy American" guy, he's upset because he just discovered that Airbus is building some part for the Boeing 787. That sort of thing bothers him- Personally I think in 50 years we'll all be working for Megalo-Bush-WalMart Co. or The Southland Corporation - There will be only two companies and the bosses will constantly call each other on the phone and taunt each other. This was all predicted on The Jetsons, except it was Spacely Sprockets and Cogswell Cogs."

Greetings to all of our recent subscribers, whatever method you use. Please note that there is a current coupon code for $2 off *any* order (no minimum!) at The Restless Mouse gags & gifts store #2 - The coupon code is "HAMMER" Not all of our stuff is up on this second site, we want to get a few more orders that way to run it through it's paces. (Hence the coupon) Please let me know if you run into any snags there, or anywhere on our site - be an armchair webmaster! (Actually I think all webmasters are armchair webmasters)

kiyotei's den turned me on to the concept of postcard art exchanges... check out the "time machine" postcard on his blog there...

Well, we went to Archie McPhee's Novelty Store in Ballard today... spend like eighty bucks between the four of us, which wouldn't be a lot until you consider what was purchased... Let's see... A magnetic footrest (I'll try anything once!), A button that says "I love work- I could watch it all day", some postcards, 3D and otherwise, giant dice, A tiny Eames chair for my little Buddha (Someone found him in the GARBAGE at the place I used to work!) a disco ball, and I don't know what all... Wonder if this is all tax-deductible as research. And then we talked about it at Dick's Drive-In in the U-district... That should be written off too.

Dogster :: A Walk Through The Dog Park You all should take a moment to go throw a bone for Petey D. Dog - How could you not?

I think the reason that reality shows are waning is that they revolve around people. Humans are notoriously un-real. Perhaps a machine-based Survivor. Off the top of my head, they could put a Humidifier and Dehumidifier in a room and have them sort of duke it out. The winner gets an extended warranty and on-site service contract.

I'll be your guinea pig; got to try this Noguchi Filing System - The point of it seems to be that you cannot readily categorize every documunt that crosses your desk. Also, it seems to weed out documents that are not needed, by it's very nature. I'll let you know after I try it for a while.

I have noticed that more junk e-mails contain random short sentences arranged almost like a hai-ku, it has a weird poetry to it; Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. Class is material consumed. Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism. I was born at the age of twelve on an MGM lot. Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress. A woman's place is in the wrong. ... I like the part "I was born at the age of twelve on an MGM lot. " Had to read it three times before it stopped making sense (just woke up)

Yes, our trip to the sausage festival was fun... Although these trash receptacles gave me bad dreams... Also, here's proof that it's a dog eat dog world...

Another gem from The Snohomish County Freecycler's Mailing List; A free car... 1991 Ford Tempo 4 door Automatic Transmission White with blue grey interior things that are broken passenger door passenger seat windshild wipers tail lights have tape on emergency brake going passenger seat belt broken automatic seat belt on driver's side doesn't retract slight oil leak possibly Hmmm... Let's list what's wrong with our 94 Corsica; -Windshield has huge crack ... Causing the rug to rot. Seats worn R/H front door dented R/H front electric window stuck 1/2" down L/H mirror assy held on with bathtub caulk due to mishap involving camper jack. Trunk lock doesn't work. Interior trunk release works but button broke off Car doors get stuck closed sometimes. Console driver window button broken Plastic thingie inside driver door cracked Sometimes car "sneezes" when backing up rear window slant is too severe, can...

I'm sure glad we went to the sausage festival again yesterday... Won $24 in first and only Bingo play... Daphne "won" a pink monkey (We all know how these things work)

We went to the "Sausage Festival" at an old Catholic Church in Everett, I read that it's a pretty big deal for their annual school budget. They had a tacky little rummage sale in the basement, Teresa got a sign for the kitchen that says something like "Dinner is served when the smoke alarm goes off" (It's funny because it's true!) I got a little Mexican Fruit Stand, it's kind of hard to describe, I think it's made out of Paper Mache, painted rocks, and some plastic items (???) It's very colorful and extremely tacky. We had grilled onion burgers instead of sausages, and sat at a dirty picnic table surrounded by crying babies and an ongoing silly string battle between about a dozen kids. It was great. I must have gotten cooksmoke on me because Petey has been thoroughly sniffing me since I got home. Thinking about going back tomorrow, didn't get a chance to play Bingo or see what was going on in the upstairs part. Sure is a nice day for it, ...

.. (I asked you not to tell me that!) Sometimes I used to wake the Mrs. up with a gentle Mr. Rogers imitation... "It's time to get up! Sure! Can you say, 'coffee'?" (Which usually earns me something like "I'll kick your a$$ all the way to the land of make believe if you touch that blanket!") Anyway, Mr. Rogers has passed away, along with the actors who played many of the great TV characters... Archie Bunker, Maxwell Smart, Mr & Mrs Roper, also Jack Tripper!! So young... Apparently the entire cast and crew of Bewitched... (Were there a lot of PCB's on Morningglory Circle?) The only ones theoretically left on Gilligans Isle would be the Professor, Ginger and MaryAnne... But he's probably too busy making laxatives out of coconut milk to pay them any mind... It's all way too depressing... After Judge Judy is over, I'm going back to bed.

Click for a zip code picture : "A USPS zip code is not a geographical area but a route which may not be definable as a polygon." I did not know that.

We thought that with Christmas fast approaching and the slow Summer season over, it would be a good time to restart the ebay thing... Oh how wrong we were.... The fees are even more ridiculous. Plus traffic is almost non-existant. Once eBaY was fun, but as usual the corporate types killed the goose by trying to make it lay platinum eggs as well as golden... Where will the greedfest stop?

I was almost tempted to click on the link in this bit o' spam that came in this morning. It's sort of like one of them haikus. Our physician's consultation is for zero pennies. Hey, hey all. Specials to all capsule. Effortless to trails your packet with our system. Set a convenient e zone setting. Best to you! Absolutely suggest to folks. Dorris H --NJ. As one we get rid of bad symptom on nervousness. I would really like to get rid of that nervous symptom.

I just got this email from Mr. Larry - better hustle down to the depot to pick up my crate of dinero... From HON Ben Larry, Head, Banking Operations, Pacific Int'l Bank Limited. Plot 84/88, Ajose Adeogun Street, Victoria Island, Lagos Nigeria. Date:27-9-2005. Dear Friend, Sequel to the secretive arrangement in regards of the shipment of your contract sum, I wish to inform you that all necessary modalities have been automatically concluded and have left Nigeria to London via your Country today by Express Cargo Flight. Note carefully the content of the crate is "MONEY" but I did not discloseit to the Courier Services as Money, rather I informed them that the cratecontain Vital "DIPLOMATIC DOCUMENTS" belonging to my client (that?syou).Furthermore, the weight of the consignment is 220kg but I manageto pay120kg,which cost US$75,500.00. On no account should you disclose thecontentof the crate with the Diplomatic Courier Services for fear...

Circus Folks. Worse yet, State Fair Folks (circus folk wunnabees) -from an old fair program I found. Notice the kid in the bottom left seems to be saying, "Hey! That old guy stole my wallet!" - You have to admit, the old fellow does look sort of guilty.  

******************* Customer Delight Moment ******************* Lisa G ordered 31 Snot Nose keychains, we threw in a "Poopy Pig" too! Won't she be delighted?

Boeing strikers told it's a national battle "They won't just settle when Boeing sweetens the offer with extended nap times and cookie breaks." What kind of cookies?

This is kind of a cool idea... A USB powered smoke eating ashtray.

When people do bad things to good money - (I'm not even sure this is legal)   UglyMoney.com

... As if this isn't pathetic enough, I heard Julie from "Love Boat" works at a QFC Deli in Seattle. Then again, I'm peddling fake dog poop on the Internet.

I don't understand how the Bonobo, a pygmy chimpanzee, became an endangered species. After all, according to the newspaper column "Earthweek", the Bonobo is known as "The hippie of the forest", due to it's preference for "resolving conflict through sex rather than violence"... (Do they smoke a bowl afterwards?)

Dogs in bee costumes. Disturbing. BeeDogs.com

I PREDICT that there will be productive talks soon in our strike- The company is getting the word out that the union's proposal would be the beginning of the end for the company, taking the pension issue alone- Ignoring the fact that they have language in there that would allow any Tom, Dick or Harry vendor march right into the factory and fill our parts bins, or even install components. Many of us would be out on the street (third time for me!) so what good would the pension be with only 13 years of not being laid off under my belt? Not to mention they want to take away my medical plan and replace it With "Big LeRoy's Medical Plan and Mesquite BBQ to go." (or something along those lines). The Union of course is insisting that the company has a big cash vault ala Scrooge McDuck, and we only want to be paid what the CEO makes, that only makes sense... I view all of this posturing as a very good sign; Our fair governer will get them together with a federal media...

I get a kick out of these dressed-up dogs at HandsNPaws.com Unfortunately, they have the same store provider we do, and item page pictures are just not showing up today (9/8/05) I am sure they are feverishly working on it, meanwhile the little icon pictures will have to do.

From the article: WorkZ : Helpful Tips To Increase Customer Satisfaction Call some of your customers and ask them for a few moments of their time. This exercise can be done in a survey, but you'll gain far more value if you talk with them personally. Ask them how they would rate your products or services on a scale of one to ten. If they say "ten," ask them why. The reason THEY rank you as a ten may be totally different than you suspect. If the answer is anything LESS than a ten, ask what it would take to MAKE it a ten. This is a great starting point to find out what they really want. Don't defend anything you do or don't do. Keep asking what they want and how they want to be served. In doing so, you'll gain priceless information and endear yourself to your customer. I don't know about you all, but I get ANNOYED AS HELL when businesses call me to mine my mind for customer data. Customers just want to buy thier crapola and be left the ...

"Writer-creator Sherwood Schwartz insisted that the show had social meaning along with the laughs: "I knew that by assembling seven different people and forcing them to live together, the show would have great philosophical implications." I am trying to wrap my mind around this. What did we learn from watching Gilligan's Island? One thing I noticed, the Howells were treated like royalty, although money has no value on an uncharted desert isle. What's up with that? Did the Howells posess some sort of charismatic quality, which caused money to flow to them, instead of the other way round? Why, I remember Mr. Howell when he only had one wheel on his wagon.

... Pretty boring picketing the Company Health Club last night... It's down in some woods on a dead-end road. Mostly we just saw the union hall coffee van, and Company Security was racing around out of boredom I guess... We did see a deer, came out of the woods and grazed right across the road from us. I guess everyone else is going "Big deal, another damn deer" because you all see them all the time, up close, like on the hood of your car... but I never see them in my nieghborhood, if there were any I'm sure Mike next door has already had it stuffed and mounted. I had to get up and print some orders, check my email, I'm working a deal with a guy in the Congo to help him get the deposed king's millions into a US bank, it should be very profitable. No word from him yet, guess I will go back to bed, I was up until 5:15 am

In The immortal words of Kevin McCallister, "This is it... Don't get scared now"... I have a day job, but just went on strike, because the company is tossing in even more job-offloading language, plus they eliminated my preferred medical plan, and want us to allow new hires fewer benefits. Sadly, many people who don't work at this company, and make lower wages than I do, are accusing us of being greedy, but it's not even about money. They just don't get it. I call it the "crabs in a barrel" syndrome... I know, many people in the world, in this very country, are suffering... I can't give cash at this juncture, all I have is a website full of oddball stuff, maybe it will make a few people smile for a bit. It's not much, but I'm not smart enough to be a doctor, strong enough to be a fireman, or sneaky enough to be a lawyer.

From our "They just don't get it" files 

HOW I CAME TO BE LIVING IN MY CAR By John Everett It was in the wee hours of a dark but reasonably calm night. The nieghbor's dog across the creek began to converse with another dog farther along, so I got up to close the window. The shade being already drawn, the room was nearly pitch black. I stubbed the smallest toe of my right foot on a box my wife had thoughtlessly left on the floor.* Cursing, I closed the window, and turned to head for the bathroom. The room in that direction seemed darker still, and I stubbed the smallest toe of my other foot even harder, on the edge of the bed. Since my wife had not moved the bed, I suffered the further indignity of having no one to blame it on but myself. Retreating to the bathroom to examine my wounds, and to pee, my mood turned darker still, as I began to add the previous day of indignities that life had bestowed on me.** Hoping to get some solace from my family through an online family chat room, I began to...

"We at Love Spat & Associates resolve love problems; those which cause heartache and misery by Re-uniting divorced, separated or single couples, using arbitration tactics." I think they need to rephrase that?

One of the items offered today on the Snohomish County FreeCyclers mailing list; Some teacher must want this for a classroom. We stored some cow hoof dog treats in a glass jar and one grew hair. My kids loved it and we kept it as a 'pet'. But ready to pass on. Yeah, like, share the wealth.

This one hits home: An old man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several timeslately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down'. Mark's Friday Funnies - Funny jokes database, over a thousand funnies and jokes!

Does anyone remember "Ghirardelli Flicks"? They were oversized (OK, "humongous") chocolate chips, that came in what was basically a foil-wrapped toilet paper tube. They were wonderful. Our local kid's TV host, JP Patches, used to hawk them mercilessly, probably in cooperation with the ADA's business development division. Anyway, I went to the company website, and found this little tidbit; I remember a candy called "Flicks". Do you still make them? While we recognize many of our consumers remember “Flicks” with a nostalgic fondness, we no longer make the product. When the headquarters of Ghirardelli Chocolate Company moved from Ghirardelli Square in San Francisco to San Leandro, packaging equipment for this product was damaged. This machine was made before World War 1 and since the company that manufactured the machine had long since gone out of business, we were not able to repair the machine. Since that time, we have introduced a line of SQU...

One time when the kids were little we were camping in pup tents, me and Frank in one, Teresa and Daphne in the other, just after dark we were trying to get some sleep, and it sounded like there was a bobcat or some kind of mountain lioness screaming near our campsite, we thought it was going to claw into our tents at any moment, so to save my family from certain death, I ran to the car and turned on the headlamps, which were conveniently pointed at the critter, (Logic being that this will cause them to freeze in the glare of the headlights and then vamoose) - But it turned out to be a feral housecat. A park worker said the place was overrun with them, and that's why there were no squirrels. I wonder if stupid campers were setting out saucers of milk?

Patty, Did you get a load of the full moon? If I was my dog Petey, (or any other small dog, especially a Westie, who may look like a rabbit) ...I wouldn't go out in the back yard until daylight. It looks like a Grimm fairy tale illustration out there. The paper says to keep your small children and pets indoors at night, because of coyotes encroaching on suburbia (Or is it the other way 'round?) The way I see it, there are two opportunities to waste more government money here; 1. Create a think tank that would help endangered species* adopt the coyote's "Urban Environmental Adaption Strategies and Survival Methodologies" * Endangered species - such as those wussy spotted owls- are they too good to eat a housecat? I know you government types like footnotes (Page two) 2. Hire chefs to find a way to make coyote meat a tasty treat, I'm thinking Rachel Rae from TV, people trust her. It doesn't really have to taste good, if there is no way to make it edible, ...

(Boring bloggie talk follows) This guy at the "http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/attention_bloggers/">The JWalk Blog is conducting an experiment to see if he can track all the sites that link to this particular blog entry - but I am not going to make it a cake walk by using the suggested link language... We will see....

I got a "link exchange request" from these folks who sell special glasses on the Internet, to wit; In a healthy eye, light rays are focused into a single point on the light sensitive retina at the back of the eyeball. Depending upon the type of refractive disorder endured, less healthy eyes focus light rays in front of or behind the retina, casting a 'blur circle' on the retina itself. The minute pinholes on the surface of the plastic lenses of your pinhole glasses effectively stop down the aperture of the eye's pupil, so pass a narrower beam of light through to the eye lens with a greater depth of field. The narrow beam casts a smaller blur circle on the retina, improving your vision. Pinhole Glasses I'm kind of leery of special glasses since I saw that old sci-fi movie about a guy that developed X-ray vision and clawed his own eyes out at the end.

IT MUST BE TRUE, it's on the INTERNET. "If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves."

And now for something completely different; A man eating a phonograph record. 

Home - That Was Random! ...This site reminds me of a show from the late 70's called "Real People with Sarah Purcell" ... Today the site has a guy who can move his eyes independently of each other, and videos of people who have problems with travel trailers, and a bunch of other interesting bits. I wonder what ever became of Sarah Purcell? And why do I remember her name???

I have a Creative MuVo flash based 1 gig MP3 player, I'm not a very technical person, but have no problems ripping my favorite CD tracks. I have a very boring job, riding a 40' order picker in a warehouse. This little device has been a Godsend, I have a pair of battery powered speakers that I installed on the overhead and I just plug the player in when I get to work. This one also plays FM, and gets very good reception for something with no apparent antenna. I did have a problem with garbled music recently, but I went to thier website and downloaded new "firmware" for it and it's worked great since then. I know there are (much) larger MP3 players for just a little more than the $130 I paid for this at Amazon, but this one is flash based and (hopefully) will last a good long time. I only want my *very favorite* songs on it (sometimes I rotate songs out of the list because I get tired of them) and have never had more than 500mb of music on it, so I should...

At last, artificial "environments". I find this one with the scritchy sound of some egghead doing math with a pencil to be sort of relaxing. iSerenity - Pencil Parade It's not very realistic though. There is no " Awww crap > "

It's another fine day of special hi-intensity government grade sunshine. They haven't figured out how to sell it, tax it, regulate it, or ban it outright. So enjoy. Of course, if you use sunglasses, sunscreen, or need treatment for skin cancer, you'll pay taxes on that stuff. Man, this government is out of control. Imagine if people threw a bunch of sunscreen in Boston Harbor. The EPA would be all over that. Oh well, have a nice day anyway.

Another sign that Rachael Ray wants to kill me... Food Network: Crunchy Vanilla-Almond French Toast with Fancy Fruit Topping, Sweet-n-Smoky Bacon

For those that say nothing ever happens in Lake Stevens, we present this story; HeraldNet: Man dies in SUV in police shooting Why do they always have to Demonize Sports Utility Vehicles? The word "Durango" was used no less than FIFTEEN times on this page, including one reference to "the smoking Durango" - I think the newspaper crime beat guy secretly wants to be a paperback writer. The bystander quotes are always interesting; "'You could tell when he got away and he wasn't driving very well that he was dead,' he said."

I can't believe I took the stupid "Napoleon Dynamite" quiz.... You are Tater Tots. Go get your own!! Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you? brought to you by Quizilla I am "tater tots"? That's not a character, it's a PROP.

Pa. Lawmaker Eyes Boy's Dog Seat Belt Idea - Yahoo! News : "'I never did like dogs sticking their heads out the window,'" said 11 year-old McCann .... Dog seat belts... If I had the bread I would drive to Pennsylvania and have my dog stick his ASS out the window instead and crap on his beanie, the little twerp.

Why do you have to have a baby in the house to get one of these cowboy rugs? He's only gunna throw up on it, and sooner or later the dog will claim it. Why not just buy it for the dog?

HartzVictims.org If you have a cat please take a look at this site. My sister's cat died last night, and she believes it is the direct result of recently putting a Hartz flea collar on the cat. I was sceptical and went to see if there was chatter about Hartz products in the dog and cat chatrooms and forums online, and apparently this is a huge problem. I had no idea.

Some moron set off some leftover firecrackers at SIX AM this morning!! I have trouble getting back to sleep if I get woke up on these sunny days. I have a pair of earmuffs to block out neighborhood noises, and I pull the blanket up to block out some of the light that gets through the shade (It's like that twighlight zone episode where the earth is drifting toward the sun) The problem is, these tools don't work together well. If the blanket rubs against the earmuffs, it sounds like rats trying to get into my head, and of course this induces nightmares. Unfortunately, the house is usually cool that time of morning, so if I leave the blanket down, I get shoulder chills, causing either the "haunted house" or "naked at work" nightmare. Maybe I shouldn't have that grilled chicken and beer with macadamia nut bar dessert too close to bedtime?

I just found out that I need an Ambient Orb , an egg that sits on the floor and changes colors to indicate the current direction of the stock market (I kid you not!). The main reason I want one though, is because I am curious as to how the dog would react to it. It looks like a supersized ostrich egg, probably not a good thing if you have kids in the house. You think you got in trouble for breaking that ugly lamp at the bottom of the stairs? Try breaking the Dow-Jones egg. You'll never get to go camping again.

Last night, I made some changes to my Google Adwords campaign, got this back from them today; Ad Status: Suspended - Pending Revision Ad Issue(s): Spelling ~~~~~~~~~ SUGGESTIONS: -> Ad Text: You have one or more words spelled incorrectly within your ad text. I suggest making the following change(s): Current: "Wierd" Replace with correct spelling: "weird" So. What happened to "I before E except after C"??? Are there no rules anymore?? I talked to my neighbor and she also thinks it's the height of injustice.

Leader: Is the iPod love affair over? - silicon.com Just ran across this article about the Ipod, makes me even more convinced that I made the right decision getting the "Creative MuVo TX FM 1GB MP3 Player" - it has all the right stuff plus it uses one removable ordinary AAA battery (Or rechargable) The Apple Ipod with similar features, and not as cool looking in my opinion, would have cost a bundle more (Can't say how much more because prices fluctuate daily on this stuff, but it is significant) The Muvo unit has a tiny screen but is otherwise well designed, and the flash memory eliminates the possibility of skipping. If you ran across this blog while researching what kind of MP3 player to get, I hope you read that article first.

North Platte Telegraph - News - 06/24/2005 - Local locksmith corrects key mistake "Richardson tried to vomit up the key, and then drank Milk of Magnesia to flush it out, with no luck." Geez mister, make up your mind. I swallowed a nickel when I was about five, at the theater, apparently my sister wasn't sharing her popcorn, or I wouldn't be sucking on money in frustration. I think I'll call her up, "Remember 40 years ago when mom made you take me to the movies? Now I probably have copper poisoning in my small intestines and it's ALL YOUR FAULT for not sharing! And don't think I won't tell!!" Of course my mom is hard of hearing these days... "What's that? You swallowed a pickle?? So what! Pickles are good for you... Why, back in my day, the grocer would give us pickles right from the barrel for sweeping up the asbestos bin! And we LIKED it!" Of course, I may have given a new meaning to the phrase "pay toilet...

Got the following "wanted" message for a keyboard, from our local FreeCycle mailing list. I would suggest just letting it dry out, if it was only water. Most keyboards could benefit from a good banging against the desk sideways. (What came out of YOURS?) Our_son_dumped_water_on_our_keyboard._The_space_bar_seems_to have_been_affected!

The Seattle Times: Nation & World: British "Happy slappers" run wild The government's main weapon against yobbery is the ASBO. An acronym for "anti-social behavior order," it is a civil order obtained from a court that prohibits a person from engaging in narrowly defined activities that are not necessarily criminal but are anti-social. A neighbor who habitually throws loud drunken parties might be slapped with an ASBO that sharply curtails the number of guests allowed on the premises after 9 p.m. People who violate an ASBO can be jailed. Process streamlined At first, the process of obtaining an ASBO was slow and costly. Only 600 were issued in the first three years of the program. But the process has been streamlined, and last year 2,600 ASBOs were issued. Some community activists say the targeted use of ASBOs has been an effective crime-stopper, but others point to abuses. In one well-publicized case earlier this year, a woman from Bath w...

It doesn't matter where we are going; It just matters that we are going. 

I'm not sure I would like for my dad to be quite this happy. It's not like him. I think it would be sort of unnerving.  

Happy Father's Day! You know who you are.

I'll have to ask mom if she went out in the garage and kissed the stain while she was pregnant with me. That would explain a lot. 

Mommm! Chuck and Stewie are playing with guns again!  

Walkin' the dog. This urban trail is near the Arlington airport, will probably be a Wal-Mart or Pizza Hut site soon, might as well enjoy while we can! 

Why is Petey giving ME a dirty look? He's the one that got tangled up. Not my fault. 

This time of year, I always get a hankering to drive through all the little towns and see the giant tire woman and what not. Do you think she helps sell tires? Like the purple gorilla at the car lot? Call me sexist, but I will buy my tires from the Paul Bunyan statue. I trust him more than this mini-skirted bimbo. Maybe if they had a Janet Reno or Rosie the Riveter. This one looks too much like a character from Scooby-doo.

Geocaching - The Official Global GPS Cache Hunt Site We got one of those Magellan GPS portables on sale at Sporting Authority. They are very helpful there. Found a Geo-Cache at the Wildlife Sanctuary on the other side of the Arlington airport, we have lived around here for 16 years and had never been there, it's huge, with picnic tables, woods, fields, a creek and I don't know what all. Petey saw 2 rabbits today, good thing he was on a leash or he would still be in the brambles. I had to switch to UDS because the regular latititude/longitude thing was miles off, I think I have the display set up wrong?? UDS took me exactly there east/west, the north/south was just a little off. The cache was under a multi-trunked tree in a big plastic Costco Mayonaisse-sized jar, there was a lot of neat junk in there, Teresa took some beads and stuff and left a little gong and of course a few round tuits that have TheRestlessMouse.com printed on the back.

CPSC, Fisher-Price Announce Recall of Pogo Sticks In cooperation with the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), Fisher-Price, of East Aurora, N.Y., is voluntarily recalling about 154,000 Fisher-Price� Grow-To-Pro� Pogo Sticks. An internal metal pin can wear down, causing the pogo sticks to remain stuck in the down position and release unexpectedly, posing a risk of fall or facial impact injuries to children." Huh, I thought all pogo sticks caused "facial impact injuries".

Once in a while, we get product samples from mom and pop vendors. Got one a few weeks ago, I won't show it here due to copyright issues, although I doubt anyone would copy it. What we got was a framed cartoon of a man sitting on the commode smiling up at his wife, who stands behing the toilet beaming her approval. Below this disturbing image, there's a rather long poem implying that men need to sit to pee. The bad thing is, Teresa pronounced it to be "cute" and actually hung it on the bathroom wall. Well guys, this will not stand. I am going to replace it with the infamous R. Crumb "Wipe your ass" poster at my earliest convenience. Stay tuned for further developments.

komo news | Talk About A Hot Dog: One Tries To Eat Its Way Out Of Swelting Car I got your sunroof right here, lady. My rule is don't leave the dog in the car when the sun is out, period. Our Westie would probably figure out how to unlock the door if it came down to it, but why take chances.

USBGEEK.COM ... And here we have an optical mouse with Homer Simpson floating in the part under your palm. And I thought The Restless Mouse sold cool useless krap.

Russian Lake Disappears Overnight "I am thinking, well, America has finally got to us," said one old woman. (Why? Was the lake full of light sweet crude oil?)

Free Online Graph Paper / Grid Paper PDFs Graph paper rules!

: "To keep my razor blades sharp I keep a small dish or cup of olive oil or cooking oil on the shelf with half inch of oil inside. I shake out the water from the razor blade, dry it on a towel and put it in the cup. The oil keeps oxygen away from the blade and keeps it sharp for a very, very long time as it is oxidation, not use, that dulls the blade." This is a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? In fact, you can save even more by using the vegetable oil from a can of tuna fish instead! If you don't mind all the neighborhood cats following you around.

www.TheRestlessMouse.com New! The Carb Fit Exercise Block! Gak! I guess exercise nuts don't have much of a sense of humor, these dumb things aren't exactly flying off the shelves...

What's up with the TV on the highway? I'm not talking about the drop-down DVD player in the minivan next to the Ritalin dispenser. I'm talking big screen movies broadcast out the back window of a moving vehicle. It's quite a distraction, hard to keep the shiny side up and watch Gunsmoke at the same time. If Miss Kitty had been in that scene, I would have been a goner.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that accidently recycles important documents. Proof that it does pay to recycle, a man who inadvertently cast his $4,296 federal income tax refund check into his home's recycling bin got lucky when a worker at a nearby recycling center happened upon it and returned it. (... But what else are they looking at??)

Who lit the fuse on your tampon???? BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA Funny and Dirty T Shirts at T Shirt Insanity

Nuts! We didn't get a color set until 1969 - My parents were celebrating having survived the "Hong Kong Flu" that had bowled them over for a time. The Color Television Revolution

"Their coating of guano makes them even more secure." Channel 4 - The Worst Jobs in History - Roman

I didn't know "Shatnerize" was a word. SHATNER

It is not clear who would be empowered to make medical decisions for an unconscious pope. The pope has no close relatives, but the Vatican has officially declined to comment whether John Paul has left written instructions. Oh boy... here we go again... HeraldNet: Pope seriously ill after heart attack

hehehe Funny Classified Ads

"John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. 'There's a car being towed from the parking lot' he shouted. A few moments passed 'An ambulance just drove by' A few moments passed. 'Looks like the Andersons have company' he called out. 'Matt's riding a new bike' 'The Coopers are having sex!!' Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!! Dad cautiously asked 'How do you know they are having sex??' 'Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony too'"

I like this foob. Can't help myself. He even manages to sort of define the word foob. The Comics Curmudgeon

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get...

OK. I give up. What happened here? Spamusement! Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines!

The scary thing is, I think they are serious. Come on, it's bad enough I have to brush the dog's teeth. Dog Condoms - Canine Birth Control

I have been trying and trying and trying and TRYING to get the pulley on my new power steering pump so we can use our Ford Exploder again, to no avail. While scouring the internet for a magical fix, I ran across this guy's tale of woe, involving buying wrecked Isuzus and investing enough time and money in one to probably buy a new Toyota, but that wouldn't satisify his grease-lust I guess. In the last picture on the bottom, it appears the evil vehicle has swallowed his son whole, leaving nothing but shoes and socks. Scary! Chevy V-6 Engine Swap

Street Lights and dog poop; banes of modern society. WFTV.com - News Of The Strange - Psychologist Going To Jail For Committing Neighbor Over Poop Fued

They need to bring the Gong Show back, just for this guy. Flash � Numa Numa

If I was going back to a simpler place and time, this might be a part of that. Although, I wonder why the parking lot is chock full. Maybe fishing just opened and they are getting bait and beer. But that would entail pickup trucks. And what's with all the Chevys? It's making the little Rambler so nervous, she can't get out of 2nd gear.

THIS JUST IN.... It's official... TheRestlessMouse.com has "dumped" eBaY. While it was a fun community and a great marketing tool in it's heyday, the cost of doing business there, combined with the additional time it takes (usually 2 to 4 emails back and forth on each transaction, plus "feedback") -Well, it's just not worth it anymore. We had been considering the money lost on the average ebay sale to be a marketing expense, but we are going to take that time and money and use it to make your experience shopping on our website even more freaking delightful than it already was. You will barely be able to contain your joy.

Those are my shoes! Give them back to me! The Bad Seed Now that I know about them, guess we are pathologically driven to see "Mommy" and "Mommy 2"

My sister was talking about trying to pull in channel 9409 for a quilting show (???) Channel 9409!! Who would have thunk it? I remember tweaking the old B&W TV to pull in Casper the Friendly Ghost on Channel 12 out of Bellingham, because it was the only cartoon available on Sunday afternoon, ( I always thought Casper was kind of a pantywaist. But it beats "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom".) I think I had to tune a UHF channel to get it too. Here's something fun; try to get the kid at Best Buy to show you how to tune in a UHF channel on one of thier new fangled flattened dig-it-all TV sets. I remember looking up the street when I was a kid to see a menagerie of oddly shaped, multi-level copper and steel roof antennas, it seemed to bring the neighborhood together. Chances are, your neighbor was watching the same show as you, it was a common bond. Now even the commercials are boring, the car salesmen don't even sledge-hammer their cars anymore. It...

Now personally, I think Mr. Sutton's hat blew off on a very windy day in 1932. These were hard times, that's why they didn't just retrieve that high-flying hat and retake the picture. Film costs money. See more at UFOArtwork.com

Too poor to shop even at TheRestlessMouse.com?? Here are some cheap or free gag gifts to try... actually I might try the one about wrapping some AA batteries and writing "gift not included" on the tag... And the "Yard Stick" is clever... Check it out... Gag Gifts

FUNNIEST JOKE I HAVE SEEN TODAY (But it's still early) A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train cause we're going down the tracks. The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now, I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice language. Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say.... "All passengers, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you and hope ...

Things I hate about my Flatmate: January 30, 2005 Sometimes (out of sheer boredom) I venture out on Blogger and see what drivel other morons are posting on the web. (Easy for me to say, since I mainly post just links.) Still, it's kind of alarming to consider how a lot of our young bloggers seem to have a simmering rage against their families, coworkers, and roommates. Why can't they just move, or quit? Then if you have a blog for the *sole purpose* of telling the world what people are doing to annoy you, it makes that your focus, every day. Seems that it would be hard to stay in Jerry Springer mode 24/7. Anyway... the one I posted above, is sort of entertaining, in small doses. I like the retro graphic she creates for each post.

This is like "The Critic" for comic strips. Hi and Lois? IT STINKS. The Comics Curmudgeon