NEVER JET HOT

Have you noticed the WWW is a big mess? Good grief, Al Gore what have you wrought? It's good to secure funding for things, but be a little choosier next time. (EDITORS NOTE: If these blog posts make even less sense than before, it's probably because I have a new job that's graveyard shift, and I also have a Westie dog. It's not a good combination. Last week, two UPS trucks decided to back up to each other and do a package transfer of some sort. I thought the dog was going to have a heart attack! He was repeatedly jumping 5 feet straight up while barking and trying to push the door open from the wrong side. That sort of thing is not conducive to a good night's sleep.)

I got for 15 years Service time at the factory where I work off and on, delicious mini corndogs and pretzels all around, plus selected from a catalog, a digital weather thing that displays the time on the ceiling. I don't know how this is going to work out, I sleep in an attic room against a sloped ceiling, and I'm pretty close to the roof already (Captain's waterbed dresser underneath, then plywood, box spring, thick dualzone control air mattress, then one of those foam pads from Costco, then the usual bedding). Oh, and a sleeping bag, because Teresa usually runs the covers over herself and down her side of the bed, leaving me at the mercy of the elements. I don't want a big clock being projected right above my face- what a thing to wake up to! But hey, it's free. I can always re-gift it. If it ever stops raining I hope to get some home improvement stuff done, maybe get all Kon-Tiki in the backyard like this guy; 66 backyard guy

A cold and moist April fills the cellar and fattens the cow. (Old Farmer's Almanac) This isn't useful information for the modern suburban city dweller. I don't even have a cellar, and we get meat and dairy products at the Safeway. I was awakened in the shank of the night by fingers running up my spine, which is not what you might expect. I said "WHAT are you doing?" and Teresa mumbled something (in her sleep) about looking for paper towels. I'm glad I was facing away, if I had been turned over facing her, she might have dreamed my gaping snoring maw was a used-kleenex receptacle.

Sometimes if the *(#$%#% birds are chirping or Stompy McStomperson (Frank) is clomping around getting ready to go to work, I put on a pair of big fat green airport earphones. They block the noise out real good. I also have an eyemask that has some kind of seeds in it to make it extra soft, but I make sure the window is closed when I wear that, I harbor a secret fear that the birds will try to peck my eyes out while I am sleeping, and I won't hear them coming because of the headphones.

Petey D. Dog must have been sleeping in the living room, the newspaper lady apparently managed to hit the house with the Sunday paper again and startled him. So I woke up to "THUMP ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! grrrrrrrr..." The grrrrrrrr part may have been Teresa. I would ask her to put the papers in the little box at the end of the driveway, but I'm kind of afraid of someone who can hit the house with a Sunday paper from the road, esp. while seated inside a car.

Precisely how high can I shim up my side of the bed to make Teresa gravitate toward the opposite side, without having her realize that the bed has been shimmed?