NEVER JET HOT

Welcome to our new feature, "Ask a guy who sells fake vomit on the Internet" Dear guy who sells fake vomit on the internet, I would like to get a luxury item, something really "big ticket", for my wife on her birthday. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of bread. Can you help? - Stumped in Stanwood Dear stumped, Of course I can help! I have four cases of samples right here, and a trunk o'junk in my car! I have the perfect thing, A Thirty Eight Foot Yacht! It's got 38 little feet, get it? She'll love it! Did you know laughter is an aphrodesiac? I guess it depends on what she's laughing at! (nudge, nudge)

WHAT will your smoking Babies/ smoking monkeys smoke now? I called the wholesaler just now, apparently they discontinued the extra cig packs! She doesn't know if they are planning to discontinue the Smoking Monkeys and Smoking Babies, but they are both pretty popular, my guess is that they are working on a new package & supplier for those. A few years ago, they recalled the cigs, I even had to take the ones out of the packages they come in with the babies or monkeys, nothing wrong with the cigs., the tobacco companies thought they looked too much like thier real cigarette packages. I hadn't bought any more of the spares since then, but there is a new design on the ones that come with the monkeys so that can't be it. ANYWAY- you get a total of 11 cigs with the thing. I will search for alternatives, but even Johnson-Smith doesn't seem to have them. I remember when I was a kid, they sold tiny self-puffing cigs, you could poke a hole in a dollar and make George "s...

    #CT6601 Martian Popping Thing You've seen them in some cold medicine TV ad, and on "Drake and Josh", Martian Popping Thing has amazing stress-reducing properties. Squeeze him and his eyes, ears, even nose, pop out! They retract when you let go, and there are no repercussions. He's made of thick rubber (not latex) for long life. The supplier for this product jacked up the wholesale price on these so high that I stubbornly refuse to buy more. So, "while supplies last".

Created by Mingle2.com (Dating for non-zombies) Sorry, I don't date fellow employees. (Don't get your honey where you make your money). But if I did, I would give them these lovely romance rats as tokens of my love.

Oh wait, Ben was a rat. Anyway; The thing that creeps me out about the life-size wind-up mouse toy is the way the tail moves as it goes. The one we took for product testing drives the dog NUTS. It kind of creeps people out, my mom's dog does not get one because it gives her the willies (Mom, not the dog). The windup mouse toy comes in white, gray, black, or brown fur , you can request your desired color(s) in the comments field when you order, most folks don't really care, in that case we will send whatever is top of the box. NOW just $1.99 or less in quantity.

    #PJ2000 Mosquito buzzing box gag It's your last chance to annoy people with buzzing mosquito noises. Just a few left now, get 'em while they're hot at just $3.49. The buzzing mosquito noise seems to come from everywhere and nowhere.

THIS JUST IN: Huge (5 feet by 3 feet) Pirate skull flag - The Jolly Roger - Nylon for long life, Pirates love Nylon, they love all synthetics I guess. Less than four bucks! No need to dig anything up for this. Get your own Jolly Roger flag here and let the swordfighting jokes commence.

Our #BD1520 Clean or Dirty Magnet is a handy item for the dishwasher, once you condition people to flip the stupid thing around right after putting away the clean dishes, and to flip it back to clean when running a load. Otherwise it is handy to hold a note to the fridge, write your husband a John Deere letter and run off with a tractor salesman? That would be harsh. Anyway. The Dishwasher Magnet is one of our most popular items and useful items, at least in the kitchen. Quantity discounts available.

Item #GG1224; Supremely Tacky Striptease Lady Pen When turned over, the lady's clothes disappear, revealing her naughty bits. Our choice of barrel colors, many variations so it's hard to promise certain color/model combinations. Besides, a little surprise in your life is a good thing. Sorry, pen cannot be imprinted (Most of barrel is consumed by the naked lady display) Just $2.19 each, less in quantity.