NEVER JET HOT

I have a great cell plan, 300 minutes, free data, free nights/weekends, the weak spot is that text messages are ten cents each. Now, I just don't use text messaging, my thumbs are only suited for hitchhiking, or operating the remote. Unfortunately, I suspect that the young lady that had my cellphone number before me DID use text messages. Or rather, her, ummm, suitors did. I get a GOOD MORNING message from some dude most mornings. I told him that he had the wrong number, but he cryptically replied "I AM SANTA CLAUS". This threw me for a loop... What if he REALLY IS Santa? My general policy is not to anger a guy who owns flying reindeer. But I digress. Today I got a 7am Saturday wake-up text message. I stared at it bleary-eyed for a moment, then burst out laughing. For once it might be worth a dime. Here's the sort of nasty joke my misguided stalker sent today; "Summer's Eve has a new douche made from Marijuana, deodorant, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. It l...

WANTED: T-Mobile phone Marysville Mine fell in the toilet. After a couple of days drying, I don't think it's going to work again. Any style appreciated.

Here in Hellhole, Wa. people don't wait until it gets snowy to forget how to drive. Last weekend there was a 17 car pile-up on I-5 up by Mount Vernon. It involved several SEPARATE collisions in perfect driving weather. Most of them were caused by inattentive driving, according to the state patrol. The problem is, there isn't a gadget the police can make them blow in that measures that sort of thing.

Daphne's graduation had 531 students, that's why they did it at the hockey rink... Drunken adults, morons on cellphones, screaming idiots with air horns... And that was just in the lobby. Endless speeches and video montages (Think vacation slides with no scenery). Five. Hundred. and thirty one. Students. Horrible mass confusion afterwards, took 1/2 hour or more to find her. Somehow people thought it was appropriate to have a family reunion for a couple hours in the damn hallway. We offered to go have a bite to eat but she just wanted to go home. A word about graduation celebrations. OK, I could see the flowers, maybe roses from a boyfriend. But somebody came in a Humvee limo, big long custom thing with about 30 doors on each side, or so it seemed. Personally I thought that was a bit over the top, what with a war on and all. But who am I to judge.