NEVER JET HOT

Best Buy manager calls police on guy trying to return a Tony Bennett CD Apparently mellowness is non-refundable. Best Buy employee even claimed it was a LAW that CD's could not be refunded. I had heard something else about Best Buy employees calling 911 because someone tried to use a $2 bill. I hope those Kitcat clock people don't come after me with the law (See Klock saga below) We really need to bring back customer service, courtesy and friendly, helpful sales people. Is that asking too much?

Teresa's grandfather has some kind of interceptor that screens out salespeople even before the phone rings- What I want is a device like that but have it also sense if someone is sleeping and not allow any of the phones in the house to ring or quack (We have 1 duck phone) unless the urgency level is 6 or more on a 1-10 scale. Can it be done? And no I don't want one of those confounded cellular telephones. They're the work of the devil, I tell ya.

I got another email from the people at clockstyle.com about the defective KitKat Klock which is a piece of Krap, Now Staci who signs off as being "Customer Service" says this must go through their "customer service department" in another 2-3 days. Is this some sort of massive clock warehouse that takes up 3 city blocks? Does Murray in Faces go bowling with Alice in Accounting and Charlie in Hands? Is the team named "Klockwise" or something more clever than that even? But I digress. At least Staci has backed off of asking us to take a picture of the krappy klock. This is why I use a credit card to pay for stuff, if they fail to make this right, there's always a chargeback (I know, it costs them $20 in bank fees or more; not something I would do on a whim). Here's my latest Dear John letter from Clockstyle. Dear John, Thank you for your email. Taking pictures of the item is just something that we ask of all our customers that have damaged or defectiv...

Oh, I can't believe this! The clockstyle.com people want me to send them digital photos of the krappy kitkat klock! Dig this; Dear John, Thank you for your email. I apologize your Jeweled Flamingo Kit Catﾮ Wall is defective. I have created a customer service ticket to resolve your issue. Please allow 2-3 business days for processing. If possible, please send digital photos of the item to (email deleted) and include your order number in the subject line. It will help us expedite the resolution. If we can be of further assistance, please email or call us at the number below. Sincerely, Staci Customer Service I am writing back. Staci, Thanks for writing back so soon, and on a Saturday! But I am curious, why do you want photos of the thing I am returning? I just want my sixty bucks back. Please give me a return authorization number. Thanks, John BTW - I haven't told them that I am posting our correspondence online- is that wrong? 1/7/07 - PLEASE NOTE - TO BE FAIR - We were promptly...

One of the things I like about the Internet, you can air your grievances with merchants, I think that the ones that are smart enough to be aware of that will thrive. Here's an email I sent to ClockStyle.com about a Krappy Kit-Kat clock I got Teresa for Christmas- she wanted a specific model everyone else was OOS on- I ended up paying sixty bucks for what is basically a thirty dollar clock. We have an old broken plug-in model that I found in the free box at a yard sale- it has no hands and the lever is broken so only one eye moves- and his tail is missing. BUT that old one still works, at least it would if it had the aforementioned things fixed. As it stands, it's kind of kreepy. Anyway, here's the email I sent on 12/29/06 at 2:30PM- I am hopeful that they will refund my $60 promptly upon return of the offending kat. It's the right thing to do. Hi, we received a Kit-Kat clock from you and are very disappointed- some "jewels" fell off right out of the box, and ...

I can't seem to recall what it was that I did when I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep, before the series of tubes known as the Internet became available to mere mortals. One time I went downstairs and watched "The Bad Seed", but that was before AMC became infested with too many commercials. I can't even stand to watch TV anymore unless the TIVO has spooled it up so I can avoid the commercials. Perhaps the ad agencies are going to have to go back to placing products right in the middle of the show, if Conan O'Brien tells me I need to switch to Crest toothpaste, it might subconsciously register, esp. if they put his grinning head on the box. It's the only way I can figure that Madison Avenue will be able to sell their Meatavitavegamin to jaded old characters such as myself.

I had gotten 2 free movie passes at work, never again will I go to the movies. Paid for 2 more tickets so we could all go, that was OK. Then; One bucket of popcorn, four medium cokes, TWENTY-FOUR FIFTY. And the kid sitting behind me, all through the movie... "I'm scared!!"... "Is that a good guy?" Cripes I think he was about seven- doesn't he know it's not REAL? (The movie was "A night at the Museum", not exactly "Dawn of the Dead" now is it??) Geez kid, when I was your age, I was hanging out a second-story window by one foot! He definitely needs a big brother to toughen him up. Or perhaps, a dad? But I just minded my own business and munched on my expensive popcorn.

A guy commenting on Scott Adam's (Dilbert) blog posted this idea... He must be a genius! I don't even have one dishwasher, I have to envy Scott's... ----------------------------------------------------- get a second dishwasher! You have just had a meal with friends, and have sink full of dirty dishes to show for it. But, your dishwasher is full of clean dishes. So before you can even deal with the dirty ones, you gotta hassle with putting clean dishes away. And you are just temporarily moving dishes to the cupboards, since they will soon become dirty themselves. How much productive time is lost moving dishes to and from temporary storage? Possibly as many as 1-2 whole MINUTES a day. It comes to 12 hours a year, which is almost enough time to watch all 3 (count em!) extended version dvd sets of the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, or 12 more hours of sex (c'mon, which do you think is really most likely to happen?) Break the cycle! Install a second dishwasher, and when the dish...

Look honey! I bought you a teeny tiny sliver of the Internet! Love Squares

Over at the Everett's MyFamily.com site, my sisters are presenting competing "Peanut Butter Ball" recipes. To promote family harmony, I casually suggested that they each send me some, and blindfolded like in the soda pop commercials, I would declare a superior recipe based on taste, texture, and overall peanut butteriness. Hoo boy, that didn't go over well with the Mrs. - Apparently this suggestion is tantamount to declaring her peanut butter balls to be inferior. I did offer to allow her to enter the competition, but I would need a different independent third party to set it up. Maybe I should just bag it and fill up on Chex mix, huh?

Here's another one of those clocks that depict your life frittering away... second... by second... tick... tick... Arrrggghhh I have to go do something useful or fun... hate that... Vendian Dot Clock

We belong to a yahoo email group that allows members to give away items that they no longer can use. I have seen items ranging from a single paperback book to a motorhome being given away here. We have used this method to "dispose of" a rubber raft, a box of records and a turntable, some wire shelving, a couple bicyles, and more. We have obtained; several bags of styrofoam peanuts, some books on tape, a dresser (It's in the garage waiting to be repainted!) and some other items I don't remember right now. The trick is to move fast; as soon as they are posted, items are claimed. If you are second or third to email, you might stand a chance (sometimes people don't show up). Some of the wierder items I have seen include a cool medical-school skeleton, the Mrs. wouldn't let me. Also people post junk NO ONE would want, I am always surprised when someone claims "Large bright orange couch, some stains, and cat scratches. The left arm is loose but you could fix th...

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit he'd been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him. She demanded that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she'd brought especially for that purpose. The undertaker said, "But madam! It's only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin! We can't possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time." The lady said, "Who's paying for this?" Seeing the logic to this argument, a very reluctant mortician wheeled the coffin out, but then wheeled it right back in a moment later. Miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit. After the ceremony, a well-satisfied widow complimented...

Frank just came up and grabbed the plunger out of the upstairs bathroom. I'm hoping he is only going to use it to reenact an episode of "The Ropers"

Ebay category #102374 Gag Gifts/Hand Cuffs, Lingerie 8-0

Slim pickings on the lighted readerboards tonight. The car lot in downtown Everett says MY WIFE AND I HAD WORDS BUT I DIDN'T GET TO USE MINE That was kind of funny, but the auto parts store in Marysville appears to be losing interest in the witty billboard thing. Theirs says MERRY CHRISTMAS GO SEAHAWKS ETC ETC

Christmas is right around the corner! Don't be forced to go to the 7-11 for Slim Jims all around on Christmas Eve. YOU STILL HAVE TIME - In fact we are shipping everything that "Needs to be there BEFORE Christmas" by Priority Mail this week (December 9th until the 18th - After that you are on your own! PLEASE NOTE - you MUST specify that you need it by Christmas to get the free upgrade- just pay for regular old "1st class or Parcel Post" but then put "NEED BY XMAS" or something to that effect, in the comments field of your order.

Well do you? The website IPickMyNose.com wants to know if you mine for nose nuggets.

How am I supposed to keep the extra holiday pounds off if Santa is going to pull this shit?

I started thinking about the whole pedicure thing; we have several clippers which we can never find the toenail ones but there are eight fingernail ones handy when the toes require attention, and vice versa; I am thinking about getting top of the line ones and putting then on a chain. Like the restroom keys at the gas station. These look nice and would eliminate the slip factor... but... TWENTY bucks for TOENAIL clippers?? First Street Deluxe Toenail Hedgers

Look, I recognize the fact that I am paid a king's ransom compared to other people in my field of endeavor (My "day job", not The Restless Mouse) - I find that this is entirely appropriate, since a typical workday there is a "royal" pain in the keester.

*"I Hate That" - a semi-regular feature of TheRestlessMouse.com blog I hate it when I get to work and luck into a really choice parking spot, right up by the guard shack! - But when I get off work I am distracted and walk halfway down the parking lot before I remember, thus wasting my head start.

I found this old textbook at a yard sale... It's sort of reassuring that previous generations also knew how to annoy the librarians. I think all the entries after Nyla Sperlick and before Fam Ranken are the same kid, a kid who lived in a house with a television I presume... He checked out the book for "Dragnet" in 1954, then "Francis", I presume he means the talking mule, as his address is "Stall 3 1/2" (Adding the fraction makes it funnier- this kid is a comedy genius) - Don't know why the date is 1868 on that one- Then back to 600BC for Tarzan at cave 6D (What did I tell you- picture a cave apartment - maybe Tarzan will bring Jane up to show her his etchings!) Then five years later, Tarzan checks out this book again, but now he's moved to "Cave 91". I sure hope this kid got into advertising or some such lucrative endeavor, rather than getting electroshock therapy.

Good news, sitcoms are coming back. Has anyone seen "Till Death Do Us Part"? I got the first episode on TIVO and thought it was hilarious but somehow the 2nd week didn't get recorded. I shouldn't let the kids use it, it skews the preferences so the machine doesn't know what shows I like. Anyone else have one of those or a DVR, or DVD software and a TV card in the computer? I know a guy at work that went that route, but I don't want to burden my computer with it, and who wants to watch TV on a computer screen? He even downloads movies to his Palm computer and watches it on the little LCD screen. Just because you CAN doesn't make it a good idea!

I am up in the middle of the night BECAUSE Woke up with a sore neck and can't find the Motrin that is usually on my desk for convenient proximity to financial records. I must have slept on it funny. Why do we say that? I see nothing amusing about the way I slept. I didn't dream about clowns. Well maybe a nightmare about the people I work with. I have a habit that annoys even me. When I occassionally have to get up to pee, I think, well, at least my bladder works. I don't have to wear some overpriced piece of cloth, I think I saw that they started calling adult diapers "Bladder Control Systems" or some such. If you make something a system you can systematically raise the price. Anyway, So I was thinking, Stephen Hawking, now there's a guy who probably gets a sore neck from time to time. There is always someone worse off than you, and the other side of that coin is, there's always something to bitch about. I'm going back to bed. Talk amongst yourselves.

I was looking for an explanation of the inside lane on some traffic circles around here- what's the deal? Are some people going all the way around? Found this, apparently other people have traffic circle troubles- " Green Oak traffic circle vexes drivers - 08/31/06 - The Detroit News Online ": "'They should take them out and put the (stop signs) back,' said Tara Neff, 23, of Pinckney. 'I got lost going around it and ended up back on the expressway.' Neff's friend Jacki Moilanen, 21, of Brighton is not a fan either, saying the roundabouts are confusing because they are so close together with too many on and off roads. 'People have stopped right in front of me not knowing what they're supposed to do. I saw one woman going the wrong way,' she said. Several near-misses were reported by Heath Loninz of Swartz Creek. 'It's the stupidest thing I've seen in my life,' he said. But Vincent Hunter and some of his co-workers at the...

Another sign that I am getting old! I woke up to answer nature's call (Why do they call it that? I don't pee outside!) and then I couldn't get back to sleep because of freeway/construction noise, which I don't misd too much because we are getting a Costco right here in River City (Er, I mean Smokey Point/ Arlington) - Now I don't have to drive all the way to Mount Pilot to get a drum of chocolate covered raisins or a pallet of laundry soap. Anyway, I stayed just awake enough to ponder the difference between the "incessant" noise and the "ceaseless" noise. But not awake enough to get up and look it up. Turns out it's exactly the same thing; but I think of the morning traffic noise as "relentless" now. Main Entry: incessant Part of Speech: adjective Definition: never-ending Synonyms: ceaseless, constant, continual, continuous, endless, eternal, everlasting, interminable, interminate, monotonous, non-stop, perpetual, persisten...

"Road crews painted dots that were 160 feet apart, according to a transportation employee, and posted signs that urged drivers to space themselves at least two dots behind the vehicle ahead, based on the traffic safety principle of being at least two seconds behind another vehicle when going 60 mph." Now drivers are expected to dial the cellphone, eat a Big Mac, Watch a DVD, yell at the kids, AND count dots? Where will the madness end?? .TRAFFIC DRIVING

... Just added new daily comics on the "Nonsense" page. I plan to start throwing lots of comics and jokes up on that page, if I can help one person de-stress in times like these, it will be me. OK, two people then.

...So I was in Wal-Mart and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"

Now someone has turned the "Draw a Pig Personality Test" email forward thing into a website. I *wish* I had thought of that: Draw a pig personality test I have done this before and it always looks like our Poopy pig novelty keychain

What the...?? Who thought this up? I should have a truck battery shipped halfway around the world? This is what happens when you breathe battery fumes all day.

A lovely "good luck tiki necklace, nevermind what Bobby found in the sand. Get a Tiki Necklace with a measly order of $5 or more, Specify coupon code phrase "Tiki HEALTH, Tiki WEALTH, Tiki TRAVELER, or Tiki LOVE, and we will send the appropriate Tiki with your order. PLEASE READ: Just a few easy rules about these coupons. * Must have minimum amount of merchandise in cart. (Shipping doesn't count!) * ONE coupon code per order! Due to high order volume we are unable to notify you in advance of shipping if your coupon code is invalid, or if we ran out. All coupon items are subject to this possibility. We will substitute as appropriate because we want you to be happy. Thanks! -Teresa

I could sell tons of these screaming mirrors but then my supplier discontinued them. Isn't that the way it goes. We had been "out" of these but found another in inventory- So here's a great special offer... A lovely but loud! SCREAMING SKULL MIRROR. Looks like mirror but a skull appears and it screams when the button is pressed. Hilarious Gag new in display box. ONE ONLY, LAST ONE - First come first served... FREE OF CHARGE as a customer incentive and thank you with any order of $30 or more! I will delete this post as soon as the coupon code is used. Use coupon code phrase "SKULL MIRROR" in the comment field of your order PLEASE READ: Just a few easy rules about these coupons. * Must have minimum amount of merchandise in cart. (Shipping doesn't count!) * ONE coupon code per order! Due to high order volume we are unable to notify you in advance of shipping if your coupon code is invalid, or if we ran out. All coupon items are subject to this possibili...

Criminy! I can't locate all 48 states anymore! I thought it was just that bad dream where I'm back in elementary school and there's a test, I'm naked and all my pencils are broken, but it's just an Internet test that will make most people feel stupid... Geography test! Locate the states

Sheesh... I thought people hated spammers. Listen to this... Crazy telemarketer call (WARNING: loud sound, swearing, ranting and raving, foaming at mouth) TAG: Funny_links Telemarketers

Why do I always fall for this stuff... >>>Harvard Reading Test >>>Take a few minutes to try this, you may be surprised by the results. >>>This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard >>>University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud >>>without >>>a mistake The average person over 40 years of age can't do it! >>> >>>1. This is this cat >>>2. This is is cat >>>3. This is how cat >>>4. This is to cat >>>5. This is keep cat >>>6. This is an cat >>>7. This is old cat >>>8. This is fart cat >>>9. This is busy cat >>>10. This is for cat >>>11. This is forty cat >>>12. This is seconds cat >>> >>>Now go back and read aloud >>>the third word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist >>>passing it on. KEYWORDS for this post; ...

I don't know what to think... half of my cerebral cortex is horrified, the other half thinks "Wish I had thought of that!" They are soft and absorbant and great for dusting the floor. eBay: New Pink Kotex Slippers Perfect Gag Gift Birthday (item 220008992603 end time Jul-26-06 21:06:04 PDT) KEYWORDS: ODDITIES FEMININE-HYGIENE RECYCLING ... That ought to cover it

I was just reading an article in Wired about the "Spam King of Russia" who was robbed and killed. I think it was his habit of frequenting seedy bars and all the other stuff like that there, rather than the spam. However, according to the article, many people were gleeful to hear of his death. People really hate spam. That's why we don't do it.

Really ugly bug encased in lucite, attached to strong fridge magnet. WHY? It's yours free with any measly order of $5 or more. Use coupon code phrase "BUG ME" in the comment field of your order PLEASE READ: Just a few easy rules about these coupons. * Must have minimum amount of merchandise in cart. * ONE coupon code per order! Due to high order volume we are unable to notify you in advance of shipping if your coupon code is invalid, or if we ran out. All coupon items are subject to this possibility. We will substitute as appropriate because we want you to be happy. Thanks! -Teresa

Customer looking for 50-year-old novelty "three carrot ring". If you help him find the exact one like he bought for less than a dollar in Newark, I will consider you to be a hero. Customer writes; "The ring I am searching for has an adjustable band, just like a cheap toy. On the top of the ring were three (or four) small carrots just glued (?) to the band. There is no setting. I have had one or two suppliers of novelty rings take the time and trouble to look up catalogues from the 1950's. I have been in touch with importers from Asia and Australia; mover mind using every search engine I could think of, Google, Ask.com, Yahoo, Jeeves, etc., etc. I really appreciate your interest and suggestions. Our anniversary is 6/21 and it'll be 50 years in 2008. Based upon my experience over the past several years, this is not too early to panic!

...All you have to do is select "Specials" from the TOPICS menu on the left and the current specials will appear below in the POSTS menu. Got it? We will knock off the "Expiration Date" deal and just delete old specials as new ones accumulate, or we run out, or whatever. So if you can see the link there it should still be a good offer. I need to quit farting around on here and go paint the porch. I will post more specials ASAP, but here's one to get you started... Thanks, John You can get our very last "Winky" cigarette case with any measly order of $15 or more, First one to use the Code gets it. Use coupon code phrase "WINKY" in the comment field of your order PLEASE READ: Just a few easy rules about these coupons. * Must have minimum amount of merchandise in cart. Shipping doesn't count toward minimum! * ONE coupon code per order! Due to high order volume we are unable to notify you in advance of shipping if your coupon code is inva...

Business wise, it gets kind of slow around here. It's amazing that we are even still in business, I attribute it to Teresa's stubborn streak, or maybe not wanting to get a "real" job... It can't be my never-say-die attitude, because I don't roll like that. I seem to recall my mom reading "The Little Engine that said 'The Hell With It' and jumped track" to me but I'm sure she meant well, despite the fact that I was served Kool-Aid and Quisp (although not at the same time) Anyway, we have placed special offers, advertised as "Daily Specials" because I like the little blue plate thing, but by "Daily" we mean those days when I feel like posting a special offer. HOWEVER the specials generally don't expire right away, so scroll away and have a look see, I'm fixin' to install some kind of script thing that will display all the specials links on the sidebar there, or all the jokes, whatever categories I set up. It...

Note to Honkin' Arsehole on torn-up-for-construction Smokey Point Blvd. - Just because the lane markings are gone doesn't mean you can just invent yourself an extra lane- the stretch by the Ford dealership is still a two lane. So don't be following me down the street honking because I had to "cut you off" because I wasn't expecting some bonehead to be trying to pass me on the edge of the ditch. A simple toot would have sufficed. This isn't "Death Race 2006".

We are finally selling our old 1994 Corsica because we bought a "new" 1994 Bonneville. I think it was Boxcar Willie who said (in song) "It's not the years, it's the miles". Actually, it's not the years or the miles, it's the cracked & leaking windshield that went undetected until the crack crept above the hood line. I was wondering what that smell was. I think the crack was from when an unnamed person was backing up and his the camper jack of the (even more decrepit) camper that was sitting on our 72 Dodge truck that got about 8 miles a gallon on a good day. Ironically, it had a faded bumped sticker that used to say "DRIVE 55 - America needs the gas" - All that remains is "erica needs the gas". The point of all this drivel, I am going to play up the gas-miserly ways of the Corsica, even though it's not worth the gas in it's tank anymore due to numerous fix-it items, most notably the side mirror help on with bathtub c...

I am ashamed, I laughed out loud at this one... Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK! (Now I will probably get hate mail from golfers and skydiving widows)

A customer writes; I am looking for a box that was sold by Spencers and/or Cracker Barrel a while ago. It is a small tan color box that looks like boards but is plastic. It is activated by motion and starts to shake. You hear a man\'s voice say \"excuse me, excuse me, can you let me out of here\". I have looked all over and can\'t find another one. Does anyone know where I can get one? -Rose Rose, I know exactly what you are talking about. We used to have one around here that my son got at a garage sale. I suspect my wife threw it out on the lawn and ran over it with the mower to put herself out of it's misery. There's a dead spot that smells like old radios where even weeds won't grow. But I digress. I have been looking but no luck so far. Readers?

From The English Blog - Really BAD Metaphors : "The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work." ...Actually I kind of like that one.

This is a handy web economy bullshit generator . We will have to modify our business plan to "leverage viral bandwidth" and "evolve open-source web-readiness"

When getting a root canal, I would rather not have any comments or questions directed at me. I prefer that the Dentist and her assistant chat among themselves. I was just enjoying the nitrous oxide, letting my mind wander. Just as I was frolicking in a mountain meadow with my dentist's German "Au Pair", the dentist interrupted that to inform me that she was almost done removing the rot and using a disinfectant solution, and replacing that with lime jello and broken drill bits, or something like that, I still had one foot in the meadow and didn't quite follow. Anyway, so far so good, the numbness is about gone and it doesn't hurt... yet

Decade By Decade With Archie Comics | The A.V. Club : "Archie gripes about the gas shortage, buys a CB radio, celebrates the Bicentennial, and gets obsessed with Pong, while his friends counteract the Pet Rock phenomenon by introducing the Pet Stick, the Pet Bolt, and the Pet Hinge." Heh heh, pet hinge. I wish I had thought of that.

Maybe this is what my recalcitrant Corsica needs, KoolMotor "Gasolene". From the fascinating matchbook book, Striking Images.

snopes.com: Only come in through the front door : "Guy I know insisted Mr. Ed was a zebra, I even got suckered in for a while, because the 'proof' was a snopes page; http://www.snopes.com/lost/mistered.asp I had come to regard snopes as the ultimate Urban Legend debunker (or bunker?) Apparently there are these 'lost' pages that seem to be designed to test the page visitor's gullibility. In the future I will not regard it as a true snopes.com page unless I access it starting at the front page!"

NEW ITEM ALERT New item, a foot long Rubber Chicken - when squeezed it makes the most annoying sound in the world.

NEW ITEM ALERT This just in, Stewie from Family Guy, spews his vemon while riding on your dashboard! Two activity settings, several sayings. Check out Dashboard Stewie from Family Guy

One of those long two-part bumper stickers. on the left... IF YOU ARE GOING TO RIDE MY ASS continued on the right... ... At least pull my hair.

Here's another special. Please note that there will be several open specials, so scroll down if you don't like the top item. If you use a coupon code that is expired, we will try to honor it anyway, otherwise we will throw in some other cool freebie. If you are a repeat customer, or you friend told you about our site, please let us know in the comments section of your order, also if you have advice our comments about our site, feel free to put that there too- We welcome your advice, customers are the experts on what customers want, eh? Thanks for taking time out of your summer to visit us. - John & Teresa You can get a lovely MONKEY FRESH car air freshener with any measly order of $5 or more, in June 2006 (while it lasts!). Use coupon code phrase "MONKEY FRESH" in the comment field of your order PLEASE READ: Just a few easy rules about these coupons. * Observe expiration date * Must have minimum amount of merchandise in cart. * ONE coupon code per order! Due to ...

We are planning to post a special offer several times a week, what better place for that than a blog. Puh-leeze! Read and heed the two simple restrictions on these; espiration date and minimum merchandise order. Please comment if you you have suggestions or input of any sort. If you like our stuff please tell your friends! They already know you are weird, it will be OK We interrupt this blog to bring you TODAY'S SPECIAL A lovely CHICKEN CHUCKER new in package ; with any order of $20 in merchandise or more. Offer expires 7/15/06. Use coupon code phrase "The sky is falling!" in the comment field of your order PLEASE READ: Due to high order volume we are unable to notify you if you are using an expired coupon code or if your order doesn't meet the minimum (not counting postage) PLEASE read and heed the terms of the coupon code above. Coupon codes that are do not meet those two conditions will be ignored and the order will ship anyway! I know that sounds harsh but it...

I thought potential Mornin' Breeze Stinky Cologne customers should be aware of some of it's limitations, please read the following email exchange. ----- Original Message ----- Subject: FEEDBACK: morning breeze Date: Tue, June 20, 2006 7:35 From: (deleted) > Greetings I need to know if this product would repell neighbor's dog and or neighbor > if sprayed around yard? I also was wondering if you take phone orders? > Thanks > Richard (Up all night thanks to neighbor's dog) To which I respond: Hi, I'm sorry to hear that your nieghbor's dog is keeping you up. I have experienced this myself, fortunately the house in question was a rental and the tenants moved. I do not recommend using "Morning Breeze" to repel dogs in your yard. Don't get me wrong, this product is so incredibly bad-smelling, it will not only repel dogs, but nieghbor children, salespeople, and possibly Jehovah's Witnesses (I don't know, they might think that they get...

No Left Turns - A USA today columnist writes about his dad's secret to longevity, which is to not turn left- His claim is that as people age thier depth perception deteriorates. Turning left into oncoming traffic is inherently dangerous and makes for nasty accidents. I can attest to that, the one where the speeding drunk came over a hill and hit my wife's car smack in the Ft passenger door and pushed her a full city block. She was attempting an ill-advised left turn, the passenger seat could not accomodate Kate Moss after that, let alone a normal suburban American butt. They had to write that car off, fortunately Teresa wasn't seriously hurt and the other driver apparently recovered from his injuries as well. These days, you can safely assume the oncoming driver is watching a movie on thier telephone, eating, or otherwise unable to avoid hitting you, even if you are 95% out of the way by the time they get there. So there is no margin of error. Lets all agree to make 3 righ...

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ File this one under JOKES LOTTERY HUSBANDS and WIVES and SUBURBAN MISERY (We are starting to tag these posts so you can find stuff using our site search on the sidebar, Sally)

I had some business to tend to at the high school, there were some kids pushing an old station wagon in the parking lot. I was thinking, that's an automatic, no chance of push starting it here, there are no hills... then they came around the end of the row and down that way. I'm driving around looking for a place to park, and here they come down a third row. I stop and ask if they need a jump, the driver (steerer?) informs me that it's just for exercise. "It's good for the dogs" (pointing at his feet). At this point one of the pushers mumbled something, I think he said "Easy for you to say". Maybe thier track coach recommended it? Either that or they are trying to steal the car but not very good at it?

Did you ever notice that (in public schools at least) there are dozens of lousy teachers and a few really great ones? The ones that made you "light up" as in "Lux Sit" not a doobie? They should try and get the great ones to have thier kids go into teaching (and pay them all double because they produce at least 10 times the learning) - Maybe it's hereditary. I figure the really pathetic teachers that make sarcastic comments (They are out there - Pink Floyd refers to it in "The Wall", remember?) - those sick individuals would slowly lose thier ability to make young people miserable and would drift off into other occupations.

The 'crooning kid' at EugeneMirman.com sort of creeps me out. (Warning to office drones: Immediate annoying sound!)

Anyone who remembers the glory days of the Pat Cashman Radio Show (Specifically when he was on the BUZZ in the 90's and allowed to run hog wild) Will be thrilled to get a taste of that on KRKO every Wednesday afternoon. Here's a link to the archives of the shows so far, without (real) commercial interruption. Pat Cashman radio archives Those who don't know who Pat Cashman is... Listen anyway. He is very entertaining. If you like the corny humor on TheRestlessMouse.com you will be ga-ga about this show.

A mom went to the kitchen window to check on her two-year-old son, who was playing in the yard with some older children in the neighbourhood. She was horrified to see that they were feeding him an earthworm. She quickly opened the window and screamed at them, "Don't feed him worms! They'll make him sick!" They looked up at her puzzled and asked, "Was he sick yesterday?"

I was googling about the internet traffic decline in the summer, seems that certain kinds of sites do better in the summer months; Weight loss and travel sites have also seen increased summer usage in the past as people try to slim down before venturing to the beach. Folks, I have been on the "Plant your butt in front of the computer diet" for years, and have failed to achieve significant weight loss. Signed, "The Voice of Experience"

Look, I just want to watch a classic Jack Lemmon movie... It's not for "educational" purposes...

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a major asshole to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back." She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almo...

First day of the newspaper ad, I call on an 87 Taurus wagon, only 82,000 miles, it's out in the rural area past Stanwood, where people measure thier lots in acres instead of feet. Old guy's wife answers, but before I can finish saying "Hi, I'm calling about the Taurus station wago--* - She barks "Just a minute!" - Then the guy gets on the phone, answers my questions, I'm getting hopeful, I have conjured the image that this is the couple that posed for the painting in front of the barn with the guy holding the pitchfork- American Gothic? Anyway, I zip up there, anticipating a gleaming machine for only $2,000, with piles of oil-change and blinker repair reciepts and plastic on the back seat. No such luck... Turns out the old guy doesn't have the title yet... He buys a car about once a month from his son the car dealer. You would think his son would shoot old dad something saleable anyway, but no... This thing had at least 182k, maybe 282k on it......

Why do you think this couple is divorcing? ay-25 1978ChvyShorty/1969Ford 3/4 - Divorce Sale Make Offer - $3500 (Marysville, WA) May-25 1975Ventura/1968PlymVIP/1965Ford - Divorce Sale - $2500 (Marysville, wa) May-25 1971&1977Ford/1962Chevy $2,500 ea - Divorce Sale - $2500 (Marysville, WA)

As you know, we have a business selling joke items and corny/tacky stuff online at therestlessmouse.com - So I'm checking out the competition for the corny squirt ketchup and mustard bottles joke - (Just in time for summer picnics!) and at the bottom of the search page google asks me this: Did you mean to search for: squirt ketchup and mustard gas ? Hell no! I just want to startle my friends at the picnic! I don't want to kill them! Criminy, what is the world coming to??

From TheSuperficial.com ; "Looks like Brad Pitt has been taking child care lessons from Britney Spears. Last Thursday he went for a bicycle ride in Namibia with Maddox and Zahara but didn't properly secure Zahara in a child trailer, instead strapping her to his back in a blue papoose without a helmet." TheSuperficial is concerned about bicycle safety here, but I think the bigger issue, he 's taken the children to NAMIBIA. They probably have already had thier young identities stolen three times over! Although with names like Maddox and Zahara Pitt, I recommend they leave thier identities in a brightly colored gift box on a bench at the mall.

Still looking for a car. This craigslist poster gets points for honesty; And it's good that the car has a new "cendencer"- If you don't take care of that your blinker fluid will leak out and cause your catastrophic converter to replode. Or so they tell me. THE CAR RAN GREAT I PUT NEW POINTS & CENDENCER IN & STARTED TO PUT PLUGS IN WHEN IT STARTED RAINING SO I CAME IN & NEVER GOT AROUND TO FINISHING IT

Still looking for a car for Teresa, I just got a call back from a guy, Teresa brought the phone upstairs, I guess he thought that I was on hold or something, I overheard him talking to another guy about Bondo! Scratch the 96 Saturn off my list... Looked at a Taurus yesterday, it ran fine but smelled funny and the brake light kept coming on, among other things. The Hondas and Toyotas in my price window have all had way too much experience, 200k or more! I liked the orange Caprice but suspect it used to be a taxicab. There was a Monte Carlo with a broken windshield which isn't a deal killer, but I looked underneath and the oil pan appeared to be covered with black fur?? Is that an option thing? They must have a bad leak and then drove around in the pussy willows? I keep telling Teresa that if we fix several things on the Corsica it could still be a good driver but she doesn't trust it anymore, sometimes it won't let her in. The passenger front door won't open at all from ...

I like the list of rules for houseguests at modernpooch.com - esp. this one; 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.) heh heh "FURniture"

I know some of you are just dying to leave a snotty or even helpful or intelligent or witty or maybe thought-provoking comment but saw the link it the bottom and quite naturally thought it was just a method of looking at comments... So I added a helpful little blurb to encourage you.

I don't know how this happened, apparently in Germany, some thieves stole an entire rollercoaster from a traveling carnival. Police are following the trail of car keys, dried vomit and bits of caramel corn. See rollercoaster story at Ananova

From StrayShoppingCart.com : CLASS A Types can be subject to some CLASS B Types. A common example is that when an A/1 CLOSE FALSE is vandalized at the edge of the SOURCE lot, it acquires the secondary Type of B/12 SIMPLE VANDALISM. Such situations are indicated by a green icon with a brown border. A CLASS B cart can acquire a CLASS A Type only when a B/1 OPEN TRUE is left at a bus stop, where it becomes A/3 BUS STOP DISCARD. I see a lot of oddball websites examining mundane objects or situations, (such as that seen at MyUrbanDig.com or stuffonmycat.com ) - but this mind-boggling system of categorizing lost or stolen shopping carts seems to indicate a descent into madness. Have you seen anything more obsessive? .

I was looking at sites that google thinks are similar in taste or texture to TheRestlessMouse.com when I ran across booblites.com Now I can certainly understand why someone would want to purchase a nightlight that resembles a woman's breasts. After all, people get drunk and shop online all the time. In fact, I suspect that our business depends on it. However, a week or so later, someone might open the little box the mailman brought, and think... Why did I buy a "goldfish eyes" nightlight??

Gaak! Books like "The End of Oil" are predicting vast suburban slums because nobody can afford to drive to work-- Mister Roberts, don't you think that people can adapt? Don't you know that there are creative, intelligent people in the world who are developing technologies to save energy, more and more of which will become feasible as the price of oil goes up. Case in point; We are considering the economics of getting one of these Spin-X Centrifuge Dryers - A few minutes in this machine will save a half hour or more in the dryer. Yes, they are expensive, and the savings shown are obviously for someone who does a lot more laundry than we do, but at some point rising electricity costs (and hopefully knock-off cheaper Spinner machines) will cause dryer manufacturers to incorporate this feature into thier best machines, saving America megawatts. Or maybe people will start using clotheslines again! .

I've got to stop getting gasoline late at night... I had the wierdest dream The tiger in my tank GOT OUT and started chasing me around the pumps. I tried to fight him off with a stick, but then I thought, oh crap this is the stick I got the short end of. The tiger then tried to convince me that HE was the one with the short end of the stick... He kept biting pieces of it off and saying "See?"... At some point I must have realized I was dreaming because I tried to morph him into Tony the Tiger, the innocuous cereal-box cat, but he was having none of that. Maybe it was a pretty flaky idea. Anyway, I woke up before getting mauled in my sleep. Perhaps this dream has something to say about the oil industry, if you ignore the Freudian aspects of it. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. _

Someday I'd like to have a little hole-in-the-wall store to peddle our unique blend of merchandise from; I would surely need a sign like this one! Many thanks to the Glass Giant !

I thought this was going to be a lawyer/ professional courtesy joke; but it's not. Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter that was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, during the party he announces: "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give 1 million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word there was the sound of a large splash! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all his might, the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed, he said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain, which do you want my daughter or the 1 million dollars?" The guy says, ...

When I was a kid I noticed that some stores, particularly "5 and 10" stores, advertised outside, among the other things they sold (Newspapers Magazines Umbrellas Bait etc) - it also said SUNDRIES. Naturally, I thought it meant items that were dried in the sun. Later, for some reason I thought it meant they sold condoms, and ladies end-of-the-month stuff, whatever items were not to be enumerated on a sign outside. Just looked it up, dictionary.com says sundries are "Articles too small or numerous to be specified; miscellaneous items." So I reckon our website TheRestlessMouse.com does *not* sell sundries, in fact you cannot buy sundries at retail on the Internet; By the nature of posting it for sale, it is obviously not "too small or numerous to be specified", we have to specify to post it for sale. Any questions? .

From The Snohomish County (F)reecyclers mailing list : (wanted) Son likes to pretend treehouse is spaceship looking for buttons for him to push and dials to read. Karen in Marysville ... Hehe she should put his peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a tube... And make him drink "Tang". .

And now a word from our sponsors, Mother's Helper Dish Soap, and... Nude Bowling Party . .

I used to work for a guy who said that there was only about 1200 jokes in the world, all the others being just variations on those, if you broke them down into the thing that makes them funny. Case in point, this one would probably be lumped into "curiosity killed the cat" - Please note, the way I first heard this joke, the fence was around an exercise yard for a mental institution. But I guess that doesn't work anymore, what with all the government cutbacks on intstitutional funding. Joke #1232 A man is walking along the road, when he hears someone shouting "Twelve! Twelve!" over a fence. As he walks around the corner, they are now shouting "Thirteen! Thirteen!" Curious, the man looks through a knothole in the fence. Suddenly he's poked in the eye by a man on the other side, and as he writhes in agony, the man hears "Fourteen! Fourteen!" .

It's bad enough they have Uncle Sam touting foreclosed properties, but they gave him a British accent! www.hammerblock.com/ .

My HP PSC1210 inkjet was awfully low on black ink, couldn't much read the output... I took it out to see what number it was, OK, #56, unfortunately I couldn't find one anywhere, but I needed to print. Now. So I whacked the cartridge on the desk a few times and re-installed it. This time a message flashes by, something about "reserve mode"... And the printouts are coming out great. How much "reserve" ink have I wasted over the years? _

This just in; Dear PayPal Member, We've noticed suspicious activity coming from your paypal account. We have gone ahead and limited your account Well, I reckon it's for the best.

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick. . . bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick. . . bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick. . . another beer before it starts." "That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long??" The husband sighed. "Oh crap! It's started."

I don't know if this is still going on, but Best Buy had a scam where cashiers were specifically instructed to lie to you and get recurrent-billing (extremely)overpriced magazine subscriptions for "Entertainment Weekly" among others to go on your credit or debit card. I personally stopped shopping there a long time ago because I didn't like the generally pissy attitude of the people that worked there, but this is much worse than that. Read on... http://www.theconglomerate.org/2005/07/update_on_best_.html

Here's a good reason not to do business on ebay, as if the astronomical fees and cumbersome, time-consuming processes, and the scam artists, weren't enough to put you off, now it's more kindegarten nonsense... (From skipmcgrath's Ebay newsletter at skipmcgrath.com) 1. Look Out --Report This Auction Has Arrived I have always been a big supporter of eBay's Trust & Safety group, but this is one policy I really hate. I warned you about this last month, but it is finally here. Earlier this year eBay announced its plans to make it easier for members to report possible listing violations. Starting the first week of April, every eBay listing will have a Report this Item link at the bottom of the listing page. Using this link will bypass eBay's normal Contact Us procedure, which is notoriously hard to navigate, and take you directly to a list of reasons why a listing needs to be brought to eBay's attention. This will make it far easier for all of the busybodies w...

Like it or not, we "Baby Boomers" are also "The TV Generation"... We have invited hundreds, maybe thousands of people into our homes via TV and radio. We sort of feel like they are family, and when people like Don Knotts pass away, we grieve... Someday Jerry Mathers (The "Beaver") will pass away, and then I will *really* feel old. There are a lot of cultural icons from the 60's and 70's who are getting up there in years, so brace yourself. I found a handy tool for answering that morbid "dead or alive" question. Because sometimes you just want to know who is just out of the limelight and who won't be coming down for breakfast. Here's the website. whosaliveandwhosdead.com The most recent entry is Gene Pitney. He sang overwrought pop hits of the 60's like "24 Hours from Tulsa". He passed away in a hotel room while on tour. I think he would have wanted it that way. . .

THE POPE HAS THE BIRD FLU ... I understand he got it from one of the cardinals

Don't know why this is so interesting to me, but, on Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning and in the afternoon, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06. I like that sort of thing. I almost crashed watching my car odometer go to 100,000 a few years ago. .

If you live in the Marysville/Arlington area, you may find a bunch of "Round Tuits" in the bushes or ??? - Teresa's purse and our Geo-Cache kit were stolen by a smash-and-grab criminal at Blue Stilly Park while we were looking for a Geo-cache. I had the GPS with me and there was no cash in her purse, but they did take the kit with the little trinkets in it and a couple dozen Tuits. They had a time driving around to 7-11's and gas stations, but the one that chafes my hide, they went to Denny's, and probably got PIE. I never get to have pie at Denny's because Teresa is always "too full". I console myself with the certainty that these people will soon be eating jail food instead, 7-11's have cameras and I gave the police a printout of their charges.

I was talking to lady at work and discovered her father was principal of the elementary school I attended... found myself uttering the phrase "Your dad paddled me!!" (It was for fighting with another kid, and I didn't even start it! So we both got it. That will teach you kids not to be violent!) .

My brother Buddy sent me this. His truck smells like ummm girls... 

We get all kinds of strange proposals here at The Restless Mouse... ... after logging in and registering their Rock, RockTravelers leave that personalized Rock at a memorable site to be be found by a Rock Discoverer. The Rock Discoverer then logs onto RockTraveler.com, enters the serial number of the found rock and begins a secure internet dialogue. The Rock Discoverer is then encouraged by the RockTraveler to leave the rock for another discovery and to purchase their own Membership Kit... Cripes. What a stupid concept. It combines elements of Geo-Caching, Wheresgeorge.com, it smacks of Amway and maybe some Enron people could be involved in this. I'm just speculating, but it's got to be the love child of Rube Goldberg and the kid from "Paper Moon".

A bit of advice to our competitors - Just give up now. Save yourself a lot of grief. Look, it would be nearly impossible to beat our unique selection, super low prices, and fast, friendly service, especially in the novelty/gag gift arena. There isn't much money to be made in this niche anyway- you have to really love what you are doing (but don't expect it to love you back!) If you need to turn a decent profit, we suggest a citified high profile occupation such as selling real estate or time shares. Lacking in moral fiber? This is an ideal time to go into the used car business, politics, or email advertising.

About an MIT affort to provide laptops to kids in underdeveloped countries; Gates mocks MIT's $100 laptop effort | Tech News on ZDNet : "'If you are going to go have people share the computer, get a broadband connection and have somebody there who can help support the user, geez, get a decent computer where you can actually read the text and you're not sitting there cranking the thing while you're trying to type,' Gates said. " Further efforts to provide the starving children with technology were hampered by numerous small insects infesting the MP3 players and the children's tendency to nibble on the pink Razor phones. Sheesh.

We just got an order from England... The UK if you will... Phone number in case of problems with the order begins with +44 796 I'm looking at my phone What I want to know is... Where the &##@!*& is the "+" key?

One day there was a boy at school. He needed to go to the toilet. The teacher said "Say your ABCs first" The boy started saying "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z" The teacher asked at the end "Where is your P?" The boy answered "Running down my pants!!"

So much for my dreams of becoming an Internet millionaire (Or even thousandaire) via Google ads... I had a Google ad sidebar on a lot of detail pages, turns out they don't get on well with the shopping cart... People were filling up carts and then suddenly the cart would only have the most recent item in it. This happened to me at Safeway once and I was not a happy camper. Especially when the manager told me I could not camp in the store, regardless of what I saw Al Bundy do on the TV. But I digress. The Google ads have all been removed, so there should be no more problem with carts getting tipped over. Enjoy your shopping experience.

Bought two boxes of Girl Scout cookies from some scout's grandma from day shift... Thus A> Paying way too much for cookies and B> Teaching the kid to leech off grandma instead of making her own sales on the cold streetcorner in front of the Piggly Wiggly. Worse yet, I didn't take them home... A hidden stash to eat over the course of several days, sharing with only a favored few... Classic addictive behaviour, I'm sure.

I'm slighty ashamed to admit it, I actually installed AOL 9.0 on some of our computers... And... I kind of like it. I know there are other ways to get virus and spyware protection, parental controls if you need those, a calendar with alarms, commercial free streaming multi channel radio.. etc... for $15 a month you get all that and more. (If you use your existing broadband connection) It's very configurable and not as intrusive as you might think... Stay tuned and we'll see if we go past the trial 2 months.

I overheard my sister telling another sister that her horoscope says that today she should "Ride the whitewater rapids of thought with impunity". Hell, I'm not even a Virgo, but I do that all the time. I haven't been battered against the rocks of life by the swift water of despair yet.

I have taken to renting old movies from Netflix, the commercials on regular TV have rendered them unwatchable. (Are there more commercials, or am I just getting spoiled?) Last night we saw “Bad Day at Black Rock”, a postwar western drama, featuring Spencer Tracy as a man who seeks to present a military award to the father of the man who died saving our hero’s life in WWII. (I’m not giving anything away, it says all this in the movie trailer.) Black Rock is a town that can only exist as a movie set. The only work or economic activity I observed was when the stranger rented a room at the hotel (against the innkeeper’s will), and when the requisite hellfire spitcat woman rents her jeep to him. There is a service station in town, but no one seems to run it; The aforementioned woman drops by and seems to do some paperwork in the office, but later a man pumps gas but there is no one around to pay, and the pumps don’t seem to indicate how much gas you pumped anyway. The other characters p...

Rooting around in my "stuff"... Found this old postcard of Bobo's birthday. Bobo lived at Seattle's Woodland Park Zoo in the 50's and 60's.   This looks like a recipe for disaster, but apparently bobo did not maul the boy who is sneaking up on him here, and he didn't go on a sugar-fueled rampage after eating that cake, killing boy, girl, elderly zookeeper and anyone else in the vicinity. Unless they are covering it up...

Now this fresh hell; "- Some handheld records were not copied to your PC. Your computer may be full or you may have reached the maximum allowed records on the desktop. To correct this situation, delete some records and perform a HotSync operation again. Desktop = 16, Handheld = 15" Right, like my powerful Bill Gates-enables desktop computer can't handle what the puny palm unit dishes out. Poppycock, I say.

I have discovered a wonderful new way to drive myself nutz, Teresa got me a PalmOne Tungsten E2 handheld organizer, it has a color screen and eighteen bazillion things to go wrong. After one successful syncronization with my computer, I got a dreaded FATAL ERROR, and could not seem to reboot the thing. Finally got a "hard reboot" - Now it will sync but it doesn't like it's own photo software anymore??? More to follow.... @$^!#!!!

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.   Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"    "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.   "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.   They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along" the lawyer replied.   Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned...

Dentist - "Try to relax. I'll pull your aching tooth in five minutes." Patient - "How much will this cost?" Dentist - "It`ll be $100." Patient - "That much for just five minutes work?" Dentist - "Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly." *** I am so glad I don't have a dental appointment this week. My dentist is a big Seahawks fan, and his mind would not be on his work...

http://www.we-make-money-not-art.com/archives/007965.php From "We Make Money Not Art" (see link above) - A car that parallel parks itself, "even it has to mount the kerb". The article goes on to state that "tests showed that the system is not flawless" This would be a great sitcom, have these new technology people go out to test thier products and have things go awry with hilarious results, of course you know if there is a fruit stand within 20 blocks of the thing, those melons are goners.