NEVER JET HOT

Best Buy manager calls police on guy trying to return a Tony Bennett CD Apparently mellowness is non-refundable. Best Buy employee even claimed it was a LAW that CD's could not be refunded. I had heard something else about Best Buy employees calling 911 because someone tried to use a $2 bill. I hope those Kitcat clock people don't come after me with the law (See Klock saga below) We really need to bring back customer service, courtesy and friendly, helpful sales people. Is that asking too much?

Teresa's grandfather has some kind of interceptor that screens out salespeople even before the phone rings- What I want is a device like that but have it also sense if someone is sleeping and not allow any of the phones in the house to ring or quack (We have 1 duck phone) unless the urgency level is 6 or more on a 1-10 scale. Can it be done? And no I don't want one of those confounded cellular telephones. They're the work of the devil, I tell ya.

I got another email from the people at clockstyle.com about the defective KitKat Klock which is a piece of Krap, Now Staci who signs off as being "Customer Service" says this must go through their "customer service department" in another 2-3 days. Is this some sort of massive clock warehouse that takes up 3 city blocks? Does Murray in Faces go bowling with Alice in Accounting and Charlie in Hands? Is the team named "Klockwise" or something more clever than that even? But I digress. At least Staci has backed off of asking us to take a picture of the krappy klock. This is why I use a credit card to pay for stuff, if they fail to make this right, there's always a chargeback (I know, it costs them $20 in bank fees or more; not something I would do on a whim). Here's my latest Dear John letter from Clockstyle. Dear John, Thank you for your email. Taking pictures of the item is just something that we ask of all our customers that have damaged or defectiv...

Oh, I can't believe this! The clockstyle.com people want me to send them digital photos of the krappy kitkat klock! Dig this; Dear John, Thank you for your email. I apologize your Jeweled Flamingo Kit Catﾮ Wall is defective. I have created a customer service ticket to resolve your issue. Please allow 2-3 business days for processing. If possible, please send digital photos of the item to (email deleted) and include your order number in the subject line. It will help us expedite the resolution. If we can be of further assistance, please email or call us at the number below. Sincerely, Staci Customer Service I am writing back. Staci, Thanks for writing back so soon, and on a Saturday! But I am curious, why do you want photos of the thing I am returning? I just want my sixty bucks back. Please give me a return authorization number. Thanks, John BTW - I haven't told them that I am posting our correspondence online- is that wrong? 1/7/07 - PLEASE NOTE - TO BE FAIR - We were promptly...

One of the things I like about the Internet, you can air your grievances with merchants, I think that the ones that are smart enough to be aware of that will thrive. Here's an email I sent to ClockStyle.com about a Krappy Kit-Kat clock I got Teresa for Christmas- she wanted a specific model everyone else was OOS on- I ended up paying sixty bucks for what is basically a thirty dollar clock. We have an old broken plug-in model that I found in the free box at a yard sale- it has no hands and the lever is broken so only one eye moves- and his tail is missing. BUT that old one still works, at least it would if it had the aforementioned things fixed. As it stands, it's kind of kreepy. Anyway, here's the email I sent on 12/29/06 at 2:30PM- I am hopeful that they will refund my $60 promptly upon return of the offending kat. It's the right thing to do. Hi, we received a Kit-Kat clock from you and are very disappointed- some "jewels" fell off right out of the box, and ...

I can't seem to recall what it was that I did when I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep, before the series of tubes known as the Internet became available to mere mortals. One time I went downstairs and watched "The Bad Seed", but that was before AMC became infested with too many commercials. I can't even stand to watch TV anymore unless the TIVO has spooled it up so I can avoid the commercials. Perhaps the ad agencies are going to have to go back to placing products right in the middle of the show, if Conan O'Brien tells me I need to switch to Crest toothpaste, it might subconsciously register, esp. if they put his grinning head on the box. It's the only way I can figure that Madison Avenue will be able to sell their Meatavitavegamin to jaded old characters such as myself.

I had gotten 2 free movie passes at work, never again will I go to the movies. Paid for 2 more tickets so we could all go, that was OK. Then; One bucket of popcorn, four medium cokes, TWENTY-FOUR FIFTY. And the kid sitting behind me, all through the movie... "I'm scared!!"... "Is that a good guy?" Cripes I think he was about seven- doesn't he know it's not REAL? (The movie was "A night at the Museum", not exactly "Dawn of the Dead" now is it??) Geez kid, when I was your age, I was hanging out a second-story window by one foot! He definitely needs a big brother to toughen him up. Or perhaps, a dad? But I just minded my own business and munched on my expensive popcorn.

A guy commenting on Scott Adam's (Dilbert) blog posted this idea... He must be a genius! I don't even have one dishwasher, I have to envy Scott's... ----------------------------------------------------- get a second dishwasher! You have just had a meal with friends, and have sink full of dirty dishes to show for it. But, your dishwasher is full of clean dishes. So before you can even deal with the dirty ones, you gotta hassle with putting clean dishes away. And you are just temporarily moving dishes to the cupboards, since they will soon become dirty themselves. How much productive time is lost moving dishes to and from temporary storage? Possibly as many as 1-2 whole MINUTES a day. It comes to 12 hours a year, which is almost enough time to watch all 3 (count em!) extended version dvd sets of the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, or 12 more hours of sex (c'mon, which do you think is really most likely to happen?) Break the cycle! Install a second dishwasher, and when the dish...

Look honey! I bought you a teeny tiny sliver of the Internet! Love Squares

Over at the Everett's MyFamily.com site, my sisters are presenting competing "Peanut Butter Ball" recipes. To promote family harmony, I casually suggested that they each send me some, and blindfolded like in the soda pop commercials, I would declare a superior recipe based on taste, texture, and overall peanut butteriness. Hoo boy, that didn't go over well with the Mrs. - Apparently this suggestion is tantamount to declaring her peanut butter balls to be inferior. I did offer to allow her to enter the competition, but I would need a different independent third party to set it up. Maybe I should just bag it and fill up on Chex mix, huh?

Here's another one of those clocks that depict your life frittering away... second... by second... tick... tick... Arrrggghhh I have to go do something useful or fun... hate that... Vendian Dot Clock

We belong to a yahoo email group that allows members to give away items that they no longer can use. I have seen items ranging from a single paperback book to a motorhome being given away here. We have used this method to "dispose of" a rubber raft, a box of records and a turntable, some wire shelving, a couple bicyles, and more. We have obtained; several bags of styrofoam peanuts, some books on tape, a dresser (It's in the garage waiting to be repainted!) and some other items I don't remember right now. The trick is to move fast; as soon as they are posted, items are claimed. If you are second or third to email, you might stand a chance (sometimes people don't show up). Some of the wierder items I have seen include a cool medical-school skeleton, the Mrs. wouldn't let me. Also people post junk NO ONE would want, I am always surprised when someone claims "Large bright orange couch, some stains, and cat scratches. The left arm is loose but you could fix th...

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one right before the funeral and, to her horror, finds that he's in his brown suit. She'd specifically said to the undertaker that she wanted him buried in his blue suit; she'd brought it especially for that occasion, and she was distressed that the mortician had left him in the same brown suit he'd been wearing when the lightning bolt hit him. She demanded that the corpse be changed into the blue suit she'd brought especially for that purpose. The undertaker said, "But madam! It's only a minute or two until the funeral is scheduled to begin! We can't possibly take him out and get him changed in that amount of time." The lady said, "Who's paying for this?" Seeing the logic to this argument, a very reluctant mortician wheeled the coffin out, but then wheeled it right back in a moment later. Miraculously, the corpse was in a blue suit. After the ceremony, a well-satisfied widow complimented...

Frank just came up and grabbed the plunger out of the upstairs bathroom. I'm hoping he is only going to use it to reenact an episode of "The Ropers"

Ebay category #102374 Gag Gifts/Hand Cuffs, Lingerie 8-0

Slim pickings on the lighted readerboards tonight. The car lot in downtown Everett says MY WIFE AND I HAD WORDS BUT I DIDN'T GET TO USE MINE That was kind of funny, but the auto parts store in Marysville appears to be losing interest in the witty billboard thing. Theirs says MERRY CHRISTMAS GO SEAHAWKS ETC ETC

Christmas is right around the corner! Don't be forced to go to the 7-11 for Slim Jims all around on Christmas Eve. YOU STILL HAVE TIME - In fact we are shipping everything that "Needs to be there BEFORE Christmas" by Priority Mail this week (December 9th until the 18th - After that you are on your own! PLEASE NOTE - you MUST specify that you need it by Christmas to get the free upgrade- just pay for regular old "1st class or Parcel Post" but then put "NEED BY XMAS" or something to that effect, in the comments field of your order.