NEVER JET HOT

There is a movement afoot to Force a vote on Pacific Chorus Frog as (Washington) state amphibian in an effort to stop the designation. Breaking with basic journalism rules, they fail to say why. Is it because it has a "dark mask across its eyes"? Perhaps some bluenoses don't like the fact that this species of frog "even breeds in empty buckets and old, discarded tires!" All I'm saying, if you want me to go collect signatures to defeat some bill, there better be a good reason. (Frog information and pic from SacSplash.com - used here for educational purposes)

One of my service providers has a "newsletter" feature, they sent me these interesting statistics. I blanked their names out because I like their other services and the people that run it. * Since inception ***** has processed more than $500,000 of sales through the newsletter tool. * Since inception the ***** newsletter tool has launched over 2,600 campaigns and send more than 100,000,000 pieces of email. ...According to my pre-coffee morning calculation, that works out to 1/2 of one cent in sales (much less in profit) per newsletter. Personally, I think even a tiny sliver of my customer's time is worth more that a half a cent. A penny for your thoughts? That's always a good deal, I say that and people give me their two cents worth. Unfortunately what they say sometimes makes no sense at all!

Gmail - Goldfish.jpg Sometimes you can repackage an old joke and make it new again.

From a poll, I'm not going to make these numbers look legit by naming the pollster or the margin of error; mainly because I don't know. -------snip--------- 21. Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80% 22. % of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50% 23. % of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58% 24. % of women who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 85% -------snip--------- Now honey, you know these polls can be twisted based on who asks what when and how... It's about as accurate as a stupid newspaper horoscope... Besides, shouldn't you be doing laundry or something? (Ducking, covering)

One of our ecommerce vendors had this to say; At approximately 2:30am PST we experienced a failure in the core SAN (Storage Area Network) of both the secondary controller, and a single disk in the primary mirrored set. The problem appears to be with the backplane of the SAN controller, not necessarily with the secondary controller per se, but the primary controller is unable to speak with it. Translation; someone spilled Diet Coke into the computer rack. Or, it's the catastrophic converter, knowwhatimean?

We were hiking up a gravel road to a geocache this morning, Frank saw a little dead field mouse and of course had to point it out to Daphne. She said "EEEEWWWWW! Aaaaaaw." Apparently her disgust is matched only by her compassion.

Took my ancient 91 Explorer to the Emissions check station, it still passed, even after almost 300 thousand miles. The guy seemed like he thought I should be so very proud, maybe give an acceptance speech, but I wanted to get out of there in case it decided to belch some smoke ala "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang". You never know with these older cars. Seems unfair that my sister in a more rural part of the state does not have to get emissions checked to get vehicle tabs. She is fond of driving $500 Vista Cruisers and other land yachts that her husband picks up on Ebay or at auction, or maybe the good old Little Nickel Ads. They usually have rodents living in the glove box, lost the key you can start it with a nail- You know what I mean. I'm just jealous because I don't have the negotiating skills and I'm a sucker for a giant purple gorilla.

I attribute the dearth of new cologne, BBQ accessories, and/or "Number One Dad!" T-shirts for me on this Father's Day to the fact that, about ten years ago, I muttered something about Mother's Day being a "Hallmark™ Holiday" - this is probably some sort of roundabout retribution. I did get a good breakfast though, not the usual prison loaf either. I got my dad a year's subscription to The Jethro Gazette, (more on that later) of course my sister one-upped me and got him Old Time Radio shows on CD's - Who knew he likes Amos and Andy? I didn't mention the fact that you can download all that stuff for free now, the copyrights are expired, and so are the Rinso White coupons. I prefer Fibber McGee and Molly myself, their closet is like my garage. Of course, as the CEO (Chief Envelope Opener) here at TheRestlessMouse.com, my schedule is pretty full (Did you know they are talking about Rosie O'Donnell hosting The Price is Right? That doesn't se...

Children's Party ------------------ This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain thechildren herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches,does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have neve...

I just got an email from a "Paul Smith" regarding "The Late Dr. Everett's estate" - It instructs to open a PDF attachment. I'm sure everyone here knows not to open an email attachment even from someone they know, unless they had previously arranged and know for sure what's inside. Virus spreaders are always coming up with new technological and psychological tricks. I am ashamed to admit that I almost opened that one, but if I inherited something I'm sure that I would be notified by US certified mail as is the accepted procedure. Besides, with my luck I would have to spent the night in a decrepit haunted mansion as a precondition.

My sister made a comment about how she admired her husband for not swearing when household plumbing projects go bad. This puzzles me, I thought that's what swear words were created for! Actually for me it was mostly "Yuk!" when I had to clean out the drain pipe, also had a few choice words for the guy at Home Depot while driving home, but Petey D. Dog had no comment. The guy at my night job who swears the most is a deacon at his church. He pretty much sticks to the four-letter words though. I think I read somewhere that back in the day, a lot of guys in radio were prolific cussers when not on the air. I think it has something to do with liking the sound of your own voice. Is that so wrong?

Finally got the replacement kitchen sink installed, no thanks to the folks at Home Despot-- Saturday night wanted to get adapter plumbing to hook new faucet to old fittings, which were apparently made by the ancient ones, by the puzzled reactions I got at the store- It's unfortunate for me that I am not privy to the secret rituals of plumbers, I don't know the lingo, hell I can't even sex them- Guy at Home Despot gave up in disgust, sent in a pinch hitter who was yelling at me because it was almost closing time, and he wanted to know the gender of my pipe fitting- Kept yelling, MALE OR FEMALE??? MALE OR FEMALE?? I finally broke under the relentless pressure and admitted I DON'T KNOW! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW??? Anyway, they wanted me to rip out the shutoffs too, but I was afraid that it would disturb the whole ancient plumbing system, and I would have smirking plumbers in here, one to fix my botched sink installation and the other to agree with the Mrs. that I should have call...

Daphne's graduation had 531 students, that's why they did it at the hockey rink... Drunken adults, morons on cellphones, screaming idiots with air horns... And that was just in the lobby. Endless speeches and video montages (Think vacation slides with no scenery). Five. Hundred. and thirty one. Students. Horrible mass confusion afterwards, took 1/2 hour or more to find her. Somehow people thought it was appropriate to have a family reunion for a couple hours in the damn hallway. We offered to go have a bite to eat but she just wanted to go home. A word about graduation celebrations. OK, I could see the flowers, maybe roses from a boyfriend. But somebody came in a Humvee limo, big long custom thing with about 30 doors on each side, or so it seemed. Personally I thought that was a bit over the top, what with a war on and all. But who am I to judge.

I recently switched one of our cars from getting oil changes at "Jiffy Lube" to "Oil Can Henry's" - the final straw was when I overheard the snotty lady who was managing the Jiffy Lube making a snarky comment about the dead bees in the back window (So I leave the windows rolled down. So sue me.) The new Oil Can Henry store in Smokey Point is run much more efficiently, although I don't care for the fact that there is no waiting room- They give you a free USA Today and you are trapped in your car for the whole procedure, of course it's the same as all oil change places, they will "recommend" various dubious procedures and manufacturer recommended changes of this and that, My Ford Exploder has almost 300 thousand miles on it, It's like a cut-rate aquarium under there (My seals are old and brittle) huh? nevermind... One thing I like about Oil Can Henry's is their costumes, I guess supposed to evoke the early days of automobiles, but it seem...

Cases of salmonella sickness linked to peanut butter top 600 | KOMO-TV - Seattle, Washington | Health: "Consumers who had jars of Peter Pan and Great Value peanut butter with a product code on the lid beginning with '2111' were urged to throw out the peanut butter. The jars or their lids can be returned to the store where they were purchased for a refund." Cripes, I had no inkling about this until just now. Fortunately the Mrs. is a choosy Mother and we have Jif in the pantry. What's up with "Salmonella"? How did they come up with such a nice name for a terrible sickness? "Salmonella" sounds like a delicious fish-flavored cracker spread.

A lot of really funny jokes are based on really far-fetched scenarios; Three French Foreign Legion soldiers who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in ... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second legionnaire arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... 7 ...8 ... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first and...