NEVER JET HOT

This somehow got through our "spam" filters. I read it three times, my conclusion is that Ed McMahon went to law school at some point. Dear Sir/Madam, I am conducting a standard process Investigation on behalf of our Bank an international banking Conglomerate. This investigation involves a client and also the circumstances surrounding investments made by this client with our Bank. Our client died intestate and nominated no successor in title over the investments made with our bank. The essence of this communication with you is to request you provide us information/comment on this issue so that I can use my position in the bank to establish your eligibility to assume status of successor in title to the deceased.You must appreciate that we are constrained from providing you with more detailed information at this point. Please respond to this mail as soon as possible to afford us the opportunity to explain further details to you.

I found a clue about why I am getting to be the classic chubby hubby... From an old note to my parents.... Thanks again for the ice cream maker. We tried it last night but Teresa put in mini M & M’s and I think it impeded the freezing process, plus I don’t think we left it going long enough (about 17 minutes) and might not have used enough milk (2 2/3 cups whole milk to 5.9oz Choco-Fudge pudding mix, I was trying for extra-rich)- We ended up with very cold, very thick pudding. It was good though. We are going to try Banana Cream next.

Finally, an anonymous tipster alerted us to the 3 carrot ring, found it at Dowry Costumes . I long ago lost the email from the guy wanting one for his 50th anniversary, having proposed with it in an airport so many years ago. I can only hope he will stumble upon it for #51 anyway.

A big deal here in the Puget Sound, the "opening day" of "boating season" is coming up. They were talking about it on the radio, and a question occurred to me, just what is boating season anyway? Aren't boaters allowed to uh, "boat" any time they want? I know it's not like deer season, it would be silly to shoot at boats. Suppose this should be filed under "Conundrums". Uncle Google sat me on his knee and said: Conundrum is a puzzling question. In one variety of conundrum, the question is posed as a riddle and the answer is or involves a pun. More broadly, a conundrum is any problem where the answer is very complex, possibly unsolvable without deep investigation. A mystery or paradox can often be phrased as a conundrum.

I keep meaning to stop at Radio Shack and see if they still sell those, what I called "Giant Q-tips", they used to have them for cleaning the insides of VCR's. The problem with Radio Shack is the problem with auto parts stores; there's usually a bunch of people who don't know doodly squat and one old grouch who knows everything. Find the old grouch. -John

I got for 15 years Service time at the factory where I work off and on, delicious mini corndogs and pretzels all around, plus selected from a catalog, a digital weather thing that displays the time on the ceiling. I don't know how this is going to work out, I sleep in an attic room against a sloped ceiling, and I'm pretty close to the roof already (Captain's waterbed dresser underneath, then plywood, box spring, thick dualzone control air mattress, then one of those foam pads from Costco, then the usual bedding). Oh, and a sleeping bag, because Teresa usually runs the covers over herself and down her side of the bed, leaving me at the mercy of the elements. I don't want a big clock being projected right above my face- what a thing to wake up to! But hey, it's free. I can always re-gift it. If it ever stops raining I hope to get some home improvement stuff done, maybe get all Kon-Tiki in the backyard like this guy; 66 backyard guy

In light of recent local, national, and global events, we have considered discontinuing certain products that shoot, hurl, fling, toss, chuck, or otherwise propel various objects, such as miniature cats, pigs, ducks, and supervisors, in addition to rubber bands and other common projectiles. However we believe that workplace stress is reduced by playing with these kinds of devices, as well as other cubicle toys we sell, The Cubes miniature office sets allow the user to act out various workplace scenarios, and the positive messages smiley 8 ball, financial advisor ball, and other 8-ball toys serve to unstick the mind. Not to mention the obvious benefits of our Martian Squeeze Toy. All in all, we believe the products we sell tend to improve morale and bring a little sunshine into the dark corners of the massive institutions where we work and learn. There was some discussion about these events at the warehouse I moonlight at in the evenings, and we concluded that it demonstrated the ...

So this new series DRIVE has everyone here hooked. Personally I am rooting for the "crazy" lady with the plastic baby, now teamed up with the mad-to-win blond girl; the perfect team. I predict a showdown between the blond and "crazy" lady's abusive husband. Unfortunately, we may never know; Our local TV reviewer guy predicts that we will probably only get to see maybe 4 episodes before FOX pulls the plug on it. I hope you will check it out, you might like it. Watch more TV, kids.

A cold and moist April fills the cellar and fattens the cow. (Old Farmer's Almanac) This isn't useful information for the modern suburban city dweller. I don't even have a cellar, and we get meat and dairy products at the Safeway. I was awakened in the shank of the night by fingers running up my spine, which is not what you might expect. I said "WHAT are you doing?" and Teresa mumbled something (in her sleep) about looking for paper towels. I'm glad I was facing away, if I had been turned over facing her, she might have dreamed my gaping snoring maw was a used-kleenex receptacle.

This cat takes the bus down to the fish and chips shop. Apparently he likes to sit near the man with the nice leather shoes. I was looking at those shoes, the toes seem to turn up like an elf shoe. So I looked at my boots, the toes turn up more than I thought on those too. Now I am going to be ultra-aware of the upturn in the toes and walk funny all day. Gonna have to stay off the net, it messes with my mind too much. (see link to cat riding the bus story in title above)

As passengers are strapped into the two metal baskets on the 165-foot tall ride, the operator recites this warning: "We are required to remove you from this ride if you make any noise. If you feel you might make a noise, please cover your mouth tightly with your hand, like this (The operator then covers mouth with hand). If we hear any noise through your hand, we will remove you from the ride. So please remain silent and enjoy the screamer. " (Screaming banned on amusement park ride "The Screamer". Apparently the machine is allowed to scream, not the passengers.)

I've been doing a little work on the house... How do you like it so far? Actually it belongs to a former gangster in Russia, to wit; "First I added three floors but then the house looked ungainly, like a mushroom," he said. "So I added another and it still didn't look right so I kept going. What you see today is a happy accident." See link at top UK Telegraph article.

Last night I dreamed that some Arab of the terrorist persuasion got all up in my face and started yelling LALALALALALALA - So I got irritated and said "We're tired of being neutral!!" and got out my Swiss Army Knife (dreams are very symbolic y'know) - I carefully plucked out a blade, and went to attack... but, NUTS I got the "spoon" blade. Well, I heard that yelling LALALALALALALA is a girl thing anyway. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.