NEVER JET HOT

New Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description how the store operates: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the Value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!" So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a Husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1- These men Have Jobs. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2- These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor the sign reads: Floor 4- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-Dead Good Looking and ...

Are you CaSe SensitiVe?

I was at Safeway just before midnight, there was a line of pathetic shlubs like me buying cards, flowers and mass-produced candy in fancy boxes. There was a guy at the card section poring over each one, trying to find the words that would make it all go well, me, I saw one with Snoopy on it, who doesn't love Snoopy? He gave me a dirty look. I also carved our initials in a newly poured sidewalk. (Well, pictures don't lie, do they?)

Petey D. Dog must have been sleeping in the living room, the newspaper lady apparently managed to hit the house with the Sunday paper again and startled him. So I woke up to "THUMP ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! grrrrrrrr..." The grrrrrrrr part may have been Teresa. I would ask her to put the papers in the little box at the end of the driveway, but I'm kind of afraid of someone who can hit the house with a Sunday paper from the road, esp. while seated inside a car.

Hardly an hour goes by I don't get some kind of forwarded junk in my email box, a guy I know is notorious about this. A few days ago he sent me something that claimed that if you were being forced at gunpoint to withdraw money from an ATM, punching your PIN with the numbers in reverse order would still dispense the cash and would also summon the police! This had all the earmarks of an urban legend, which I quickly confirmed it was and notified him, against my better judgment (People hate to be called on their BS). Of course now he's irked at me for that. He called me a "wet blanket" to which *I wish* I had replied, "Sometimes it takes a wet blanket to smother the fires of stupidity". He still insists that this reverse pin thing is in effect at some ATM's somewhere. I offered to go to a local ATM and give him 5 to 1 odds on a bet that it would simply say something like "invalid PIN". My plan was to actually punch in my PIN number as usual, very ...

I get soooo tired of spam. Offers to make various body parts larger or smaller. "Make a fortune on ebay" (HA) - Nigerian royalty needing financial partners. poker, porn, (I will forego the obvious pun) Recent spam to our site feedback address starts out "Hello! Thank you for your site. I have found here much useful information." - Now I know that's a lie! There's not a whit of useful information on our site. I guess it's a small inconvenience, and at least it doesn't actually interrupt my day like telemarking, or waste paper the way junk mail does. Maybe if everyone forwarded all of it to their elected representatives...

A woman switches on a tiny wireless chip that has been surgically implanted behind her ear, which then synchs up with the Web wherever she is in the world. The simple thought of logging on to the Internet triggers the system to turn on and connect to the Web. She could be on a bus or at the beach and from all outward appearances she's just staring off into space. But she sees a three dimensional artificial world before her that she can manipulate any way she chooses by mere thought alone. YABUT... What's to stop her from using it while she drives a car? (Assuming we get to have cars in the future) - Another worry, what if they let GUYS use this technology? I'm not letting my daughter ride the bus with guys who have mental images of SEX in their heads all day. Oh crud- OK I'm not letting my daughter ride the bus. What's to stop corporate spammers from using this connection to make you salivate every time you see their product? And there surely would be a multi-tiered...

One of the most useful books I have purchased from a clearance site is Al Hoff's "Thrift Score" - All about buying more fun dreck at thrift stores, how to, what for, what to watch out for, etc. Plus bonus blurbs like this; Charley Lang of California glued 1170 completed [jigsaw] puzzles to the walls and ceilings of his house. He bought most of them at Goodwill. "They're 79 cents," he said, "but I get a dime off for being a senior citizen." That book was written in 1997 so it's only ten years old. If you have the opportunity, and you love thrift stores as we do (My son even works at one!) - I recommend picking that one up.