NEVER JET HOT

I could sell tons of these screaming mirrors but then my supplier discontinued them. Isn't that the way it goes. We had been "out" of these but found another in inventory- So here's a great special offer... A lovely but loud! SCREAMING SKULL MIRROR. Looks like mirror but a skull appears and it screams when the button is pressed. Hilarious Gag new in display box. ONE ONLY, LAST ONE - First come first served... FREE OF CHARGE as a customer incentive and thank you with any order of $30 or more! I will delete this post as soon as the coupon code is used. Use coupon code phrase "SKULL MIRROR" in the comment field of your order PLEASE READ: Just a few easy rules about these coupons. * Must have minimum amount of merchandise in cart. (Shipping doesn't count!) * ONE coupon code per order! Due to high order volume we are unable to notify you in advance of shipping if your coupon code is invalid, or if we ran out. All coupon items are subject to this possibili...

Criminy! I can't locate all 48 states anymore! I thought it was just that bad dream where I'm back in elementary school and there's a test, I'm naked and all my pencils are broken, but it's just an Internet test that will make most people feel stupid... Geography test! Locate the states

Sheesh... I thought people hated spammers. Listen to this... Crazy telemarketer call (WARNING: loud sound, swearing, ranting and raving, foaming at mouth) TAG: Funny_links Telemarketers

Why do I always fall for this stuff... >>>Harvard Reading Test >>>Take a few minutes to try this, you may be surprised by the results. >>>This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard >>>University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud >>>without >>>a mistake The average person over 40 years of age can't do it! >>> >>>1. This is this cat >>>2. This is is cat >>>3. This is how cat >>>4. This is to cat >>>5. This is keep cat >>>6. This is an cat >>>7. This is old cat >>>8. This is fart cat >>>9. This is busy cat >>>10. This is for cat >>>11. This is forty cat >>>12. This is seconds cat >>> >>>Now go back and read aloud >>>the third word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist >>>passing it on. KEYWORDS for this post; ...

I don't know what to think... half of my cerebral cortex is horrified, the other half thinks "Wish I had thought of that!" They are soft and absorbant and great for dusting the floor. eBay: New Pink Kotex Slippers Perfect Gag Gift Birthday (item 220008992603 end time Jul-26-06 21:06:04 PDT) KEYWORDS: ODDITIES FEMININE-HYGIENE RECYCLING ... That ought to cover it

I was just reading an article in Wired about the "Spam King of Russia" who was robbed and killed. I think it was his habit of frequenting seedy bars and all the other stuff like that there, rather than the spam. However, according to the article, many people were gleeful to hear of his death. People really hate spam. That's why we don't do it.

Really ugly bug encased in lucite, attached to strong fridge magnet. WHY? It's yours free with any measly order of $5 or more. Use coupon code phrase "BUG ME" in the comment field of your order PLEASE READ: Just a few easy rules about these coupons. * Must have minimum amount of merchandise in cart. * ONE coupon code per order! Due to high order volume we are unable to notify you in advance of shipping if your coupon code is invalid, or if we ran out. All coupon items are subject to this possibility. We will substitute as appropriate because we want you to be happy. Thanks! -Teresa

Customer looking for 50-year-old novelty "three carrot ring". If you help him find the exact one like he bought for less than a dollar in Newark, I will consider you to be a hero. Customer writes; "The ring I am searching for has an adjustable band, just like a cheap toy. On the top of the ring were three (or four) small carrots just glued (?) to the band. There is no setting. I have had one or two suppliers of novelty rings take the time and trouble to look up catalogues from the 1950's. I have been in touch with importers from Asia and Australia; mover mind using every search engine I could think of, Google, Ask.com, Yahoo, Jeeves, etc., etc. I really appreciate your interest and suggestions. Our anniversary is 6/21 and it'll be 50 years in 2008. Based upon my experience over the past several years, this is not too early to panic!

...All you have to do is select "Specials" from the TOPICS menu on the left and the current specials will appear below in the POSTS menu. Got it? We will knock off the "Expiration Date" deal and just delete old specials as new ones accumulate, or we run out, or whatever. So if you can see the link there it should still be a good offer. I need to quit farting around on here and go paint the porch. I will post more specials ASAP, but here's one to get you started... Thanks, John You can get our very last "Winky" cigarette case with any measly order of $15 or more, First one to use the Code gets it. Use coupon code phrase "WINKY" in the comment field of your order PLEASE READ: Just a few easy rules about these coupons. * Must have minimum amount of merchandise in cart. Shipping doesn't count toward minimum! * ONE coupon code per order! Due to high order volume we are unable to notify you in advance of shipping if your coupon code is inva...

Business wise, it gets kind of slow around here. It's amazing that we are even still in business, I attribute it to Teresa's stubborn streak, or maybe not wanting to get a "real" job... It can't be my never-say-die attitude, because I don't roll like that. I seem to recall my mom reading "The Little Engine that said 'The Hell With It' and jumped track" to me but I'm sure she meant well, despite the fact that I was served Kool-Aid and Quisp (although not at the same time) Anyway, we have placed special offers, advertised as "Daily Specials" because I like the little blue plate thing, but by "Daily" we mean those days when I feel like posting a special offer. HOWEVER the specials generally don't expire right away, so scroll away and have a look see, I'm fixin' to install some kind of script thing that will display all the specials links on the sidebar there, or all the jokes, whatever categories I set up. It...

Note to Honkin' Arsehole on torn-up-for-construction Smokey Point Blvd. - Just because the lane markings are gone doesn't mean you can just invent yourself an extra lane- the stretch by the Ford dealership is still a two lane. So don't be following me down the street honking because I had to "cut you off" because I wasn't expecting some bonehead to be trying to pass me on the edge of the ditch. A simple toot would have sufficed. This isn't "Death Race 2006".

We are finally selling our old 1994 Corsica because we bought a "new" 1994 Bonneville. I think it was Boxcar Willie who said (in song) "It's not the years, it's the miles". Actually, it's not the years or the miles, it's the cracked & leaking windshield that went undetected until the crack crept above the hood line. I was wondering what that smell was. I think the crack was from when an unnamed person was backing up and his the camper jack of the (even more decrepit) camper that was sitting on our 72 Dodge truck that got about 8 miles a gallon on a good day. Ironically, it had a faded bumped sticker that used to say "DRIVE 55 - America needs the gas" - All that remains is "erica needs the gas". The point of all this drivel, I am going to play up the gas-miserly ways of the Corsica, even though it's not worth the gas in it's tank anymore due to numerous fix-it items, most notably the side mirror help on with bathtub c...

I am ashamed, I laughed out loud at this one... Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK! (Now I will probably get hate mail from golfers and skydiving widows)

A customer writes; I am looking for a box that was sold by Spencers and/or Cracker Barrel a while ago. It is a small tan color box that looks like boards but is plastic. It is activated by motion and starts to shake. You hear a man\'s voice say \"excuse me, excuse me, can you let me out of here\". I have looked all over and can\'t find another one. Does anyone know where I can get one? -Rose Rose, I know exactly what you are talking about. We used to have one around here that my son got at a garage sale. I suspect my wife threw it out on the lawn and ran over it with the mower to put herself out of it's misery. There's a dead spot that smells like old radios where even weeds won't grow. But I digress. I have been looking but no luck so far. Readers?

From The English Blog - Really BAD Metaphors : "The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work." ...Actually I kind of like that one.

This is a handy web economy bullshit generator . We will have to modify our business plan to "leverage viral bandwidth" and "evolve open-source web-readiness"

When getting a root canal, I would rather not have any comments or questions directed at me. I prefer that the Dentist and her assistant chat among themselves. I was just enjoying the nitrous oxide, letting my mind wander. Just as I was frolicking in a mountain meadow with my dentist's German "Au Pair", the dentist interrupted that to inform me that she was almost done removing the rot and using a disinfectant solution, and replacing that with lime jello and broken drill bits, or something like that, I still had one foot in the meadow and didn't quite follow. Anyway, so far so good, the numbness is about gone and it doesn't hurt... yet

Decade By Decade With Archie Comics | The A.V. Club : "Archie gripes about the gas shortage, buys a CB radio, celebrates the Bicentennial, and gets obsessed with Pong, while his friends counteract the Pet Rock phenomenon by introducing the Pet Stick, the Pet Bolt, and the Pet Hinge." Heh heh, pet hinge. I wish I had thought of that.

Maybe this is what my recalcitrant Corsica needs, KoolMotor "Gasolene". From the fascinating matchbook book, Striking Images.

snopes.com: Only come in through the front door : "Guy I know insisted Mr. Ed was a zebra, I even got suckered in for a while, because the 'proof' was a snopes page; http://www.snopes.com/lost/mistered.asp I had come to regard snopes as the ultimate Urban Legend debunker (or bunker?) Apparently there are these 'lost' pages that seem to be designed to test the page visitor's gullibility. In the future I will not regard it as a true snopes.com page unless I access it starting at the front page!"